FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Tuesday, September 10, 2019

Trump Prepared to Sign Surrender to Taliban till Bolton Informed Him “Those are the bad guys”.

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

It was revealed today that among the preparations being done for the now failed “Camp David Summit” with Taliban leaders was a document they had prepared to end the war that they promised would be guaranteed to get him noticed as a great world leader. It was to be televised live on 9/11 in a formal signing at Camp David with Trump announcing that “He was ending the Afghanistan War, where Obama and Bush had dismally failed."
Afgan president Ashraf Ghani had not been informed of this and was not to be included in the signing.  Only after Bolton had managed to obtain an advanced copy of it and translated it, did he realize that it was a formal surrender declaration by the United States to the Taliban and not by the Taliban, and that They were the bad guys. After Trump was informed of this, a furious Trump canceled the summit and fired Bolton.

Thursday, September 5, 2019

Alabama Coastline Devastated by Hurricane Dorian – Just as Trump Predicted

Area of Devastation in Alabama exactly where Trump predicted it

Satirical News Service
Washington DC
 In a move that caught weather experts by complete surprise, Hurricane Dorian made a U-turn in the middle of the night and raced down to Gulf Coast of Alabama to pummel it with gale-force winds and high tides before resuming its predicted course along the Eastern Seaboard. Luckily there was no loss of life because as one resident put it “We don’t listen to all those Liberal Weather people and fake news reporters. We know that Mr. Trump is much smarter than they are. When he said the hurricane was going to hit Alabama, we just packed up and got out. Our homes may have been destroyed, but at least we got out with our lives.”

Trump Tweeted today,
The Liberal Fake media made fun of my very accurate prediction of where the hurricane was going to hit in Alabama – but they aren’t laughing now! Thanks to my genius, my base was spared the loss of life in this cataclysmic event.

Efforts are underway to clean up from the devastation in Alabama left by Hurricane Dorian, but it will take some time before a more a concerted effort can get underway since all the heavy machinery and personnel needed by the Army Corp of Engineers to do this is all being used now in the Southwest to build Trump’s Border Wall.

Wednesday, September 4, 2019

Green-Away Introduces “The Impossible Salad”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC
You know the story. You’ve just finished three hours of Pickleball with your friends – you’re just craving for a juicy burger and fries. Then one your wife’s Vegan friends suggest going to the local salad bar for eats. Your dreams of that juicy burger fade away. The only thing like meat there are those “soy bacon bit salad toppings”. But now, thanks to the latest innovations in food science. Green-Away has come out with “The Impossible Salad®”. It looks like your typical green salad, and even crunches like it. But it is made entirely of meat and meat-byproducts and tastes amazingly like hamburger.

“We’ve taken real meat and refined it and colored it so that it looks like the ingredients of your typical garden salad, but contains no vegetable matter what-so-ever. I like to call it ‘the food for the rest of us’.”

Green-Away expects that their “Impossible Salad®” will soon be available at salad bars nationwide.

Saturday, August 31, 2019

Trump Uses His Influence with God to Keep Hurricane Out of Florida

Satirical News Service
Washington DC  

Sources close to the White House today have confirmed that Hurricane Florida will not be allowed entry into the state of Florida specifically at Trump’s request to GOD. It is highly unusual for world leaders to make such requests to the Almighty, but Donald Trump feels equal to GOD, since according to him, he is "King of the Jews", despite not being one. Other religious leaders and world leaders have expressed dismay and outrage at such a request.  Trump is reported to have said, “Let the Hurricane come to states that went to Democrats since they are certainly deserving of HIS wrath!”

Thursday, August 22, 2019

Trump Explains Why He Wanted To Buy Greenland – Because Of All The 'Bergs' That Lived There

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In an exclusive interview obtained by SNS with Donald Trump, he explained the reasons he was so adamant about purchasing Greenland.

“When evangelical Christians began calling me ‘the new King-of-the-Jews’, I thought, well, I need a Kingdom. Since Israel already had their King – Netanyahu, I need to find a new one. Then one of my aides told me that there we a lot of Icebergs in Greenland. Naturally, I assumed that they were all Jewish there – you know - Iceberg, Rosenberg, Hertzberg….what’s the difference. I wanted to be the King of the Northern Jews. Now that their terrible leader in Denmark has nixed that deal, I’ve set my sights on buying The Vatican from Italy. That way I could become King of the Catholics too. Do you happen to know if the The Vatican has an extradition treaty with the US?”

Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Trump Aides Desperately Searching for New Country Ending in “Land” For Trump to Purchase

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Sources within the White House have told SNS that an enraged Trump has everyone scrambling to find a new country that ends in “land” for Trump to purchase after Denmark rebuffed his offer to purchase Greenland.  “We thought there’d be a lot more”, quoted one aide, “England is certainly not going to sell, The Swiss categorically said No, and while Poland remains an option, the last time someone decided to take it, it did not end so well. That leaves Iceland, Finland, Ireland, Swaziland and Thailand, but the President has indicated he’s not interested in those.”

Thursday, August 15, 2019

Russian Pilot Safely Lands Plane in Cornfield – Everyone Survived, But Now Missing In Corn Field

Satirical News Service
Moscow, Russian Republic

A Ural Airlines with 233 people on board landed safely in a cornfield despite having lost power to both engines due to bird strikes. Although all 233 passengers survived, they now appear to be hopelessly lost in the cornfield they landed in. The pilot had radioed in that the plane had landed safely and was evacuating all 233 passengers and crew.  When rescuers arrived, they found an empty plane, but no sign of the passengers or crew. Search efforts have been underway for some time now, but there appears to be no sign of any of the people in the cornfield or surrounding area. The only sign of life were the crows that were feasting on the corn. The farmer who took care of the government-owned cornfield said, “strange things happen in there.” He declined to elaborate.  Search efforts will continue to scour the field for any signs of the missing passengers.