FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Thousands of Facebook Users Un-Friending Trump after Dumping Kim before the Planned Summit

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Thousands of Facebook users are un-friending Donald Trump after he unceremoniously dumped his date and new BFF, Kim Jong Un.  Trump had asked Kim to be his date to the “Mushroom Cloud over Korea dance and summit, but then rudely dumped him. Messages of sympathy to Kim are pouring in from Facebook users everywhere.

A dejected and inconsolable Kim wrote“I just don’t understand it! I bought a new suit and everything. I even blew up my one and only Nuclear Weapons test site for him and gave him back those three horrid people to show off, and now he repays me by dumping me.” Users from around the world are expressing their sympathy on Kim's Facebook page. “Don’t be upset Kim – He treats everyone that way” said Stormy Daniels in a Facebook message. “Same here” wrote James Comey.

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Trump Now Wants His own Royal Wedding

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After seeing how much the British people love their Royal Wedding, Donald Trump has now demanded his own Royal Wedding (at taxpayer expense). Although he is already married to Ivanka, he stated “I don’t care! If she won’t do it, I’ll marry some other bitch, but I want a Royal Wedding!

He plans to have it down Pennsylvania Avenue next September and although he was never in the Military, he will wear a military uniform, of his own design. He plans to use the coach that George Washington used in his inauguration. Congress, already struggling to keep to the budget under control plans to cut food stamps and Medicaid to pay for it.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

North Korean Leader Makes New Demand Before he Will Attend June Summit

Satirical News Service
Pyongyang, PRK

In a surprise announcement today, Kim Jong Un has made a new condition before he will attend the proposed summit with Donald Trump later next month. Specifically, he demanded that Trump Towers in New York be renamed after him and that his name is displayed where currently Trump's name stands. Upon hearing this new condition, Trump was purported to have flown into a rage demanding that John Kelly show him where he hid "his BIG button".

Friday, May 11, 2018

Putin admits “It was probably a Mistake to Hire Michael Cohen as Consultant”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Vladimir Putin stated today that it was a mistake to have hired Michael Cohen to “advise” on real estate deals in America for 7 million dollars. According to Mr. Putin, “He say he knows Mr. Trump very well and has learned his secrets of Real Estate Investing. We believe him, but later we find out he don’t know SHIT! Still we keep paying him – I don’t know why, but it was big mistake. It seem others have come to this conclusion as well. We learn now how to cut out middle man”.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Kim Jong-Un New Demand - “No Prisoner Release Unless it Includes Stormy Daniels”

Satirical News Service
Pyongyang, PKR

In a surprise announcement, North Korea upped their demands to releasing the American prisoners held in North Korea to now include Stormy Daniels. He emphatically stated he wants her to be “his personal sex slave” before he would consent to allow the prisoners to be released. The reaction by the White House to this was muffled ecstasy. Sarah Sanders announced that the Justice Department is looking into a way that a US citizen can be deported to a belligerent country for the expressed purpose of sex. “We are quite confident we will find a way to make this happen, Those prisoner’s lives are depending on this", said Saunders.

Friday, May 4, 2018

NASA Announces Planetary Satellite Named for Donald Trump

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

NASA today announced that they will name their new unmanned planetary satellite after President Trump. In the announcement, they stated that its mission expected to be launched sometime in the next year will be to go to the little-known planet Uranus. The Trump probe will go up into Uranus and probe deep into its interior. It is fitting that we should name this satellite after Donald Trump stated one NASA employee who wished to remain anonymous.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

US Launches Missile Attack on Bob Mueller’s Offices in Response to Syrian Gas Attack

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Sources in the White House reported today that the US military has successfully carried out a missile attack on the Offices of Bob Mueller to “send a message to the Syrians that they can’t get away with launching poison gas attacks on their own people”. Asked why Bob Mueller’s office was chosen instead of a target in Syria, Sarah Huckabee Saunders responded by saying “We feel this is the best way to show the Syrians what we could do to them if we wanted to, and also sends a message to their Russian allies that attempting to link the President to any type of collusion in the last election which did not occur or any other scandal which also did not happen, that they will pay a hefty consequence for their actions.”

Sources within the White House could not confirm that another missile attack might be imminent for the headquarters of Macmillan, who recently published Bob Comey’s new book, as a follow on message to Syria, “not to mess with the USA”. Republicans in both House of Congress applauded this action saying “We support our President 100% in his brave action to demonstrate to Syria and the Russians that we mean what we say!”