Satirical News Service
The Late Hugo Chavez, the ex-president of Venezuela, has announced he is planning to run against Trump in the 2024 presidential election. We spoke to him via a “medium” who has had contact with a number of deceased leaders.
SN: Mr. Chavez does having been dead for more than 7 years at all hinder your ability to run let alone carry out the duties of President?
HC: Not at all. I just need to Tweet a lot and people think I’m doing a great job! I just won’t be able to play golf as much as Mr. Trump.
SN: Don’t you actually have to be a US citizen to run for President?
HC: Believe it or not I became a US Citizen during the Obama administration when I hacked into their computers and made myself one. I have all the paperwork to prove it too.
SN: How do you see yourself running your campaign from the grave?
HC: Actually I have to do very little campaigning at all since I’ve already hacked into your voting computer systems so winning is not a problem. While I do have to make some appearances and hold rallies, my people are actively working with Disney on creating an animatronic version of me. They did such a great job on that one of Trump.
SN: What makes you think you’ll be attractive to US voters?
HC: I just let the Trump campaign paint me as a scathing socialist who will take away all their guns, give away their homes to minorities, destroy their suburbs, turn their sons and daughters gay, and ban going to church. There are a lot of people on both the Left and Right who would happily buy into all that crap. Besides, the thought of 4 more years of Trump, well…., what do they have to lose?
SN: Have you thought about a running mate?
HC: Actually I was thinking about Fidel Castro to be my VP.