FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Monday, December 4, 2017

US Changes the Name of It’s Currency to “The Lie”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a bold move today, the US Treasury announced that henceforth the US currency will be called “The Lie”. To Republicans in Congress, this comes as no surprise since their currency has always been The Lie. With the name change will come an entirely changed way that bank notes are printed and money is referred to.

The great thing about the lie, is that it can mean whatever we want it to”, said one Congressman. When we say We have reached our goal of cutting spending by 90% it’s the ‘Lie’ that we are referring to. Likewise when we say ‘Raising taxes on the Middle Class will save them money’, it’s also the lie we are referring to. The great thing about the lie is that it really has no actual value tied to it. Basically, it’s ‘whatever we say it is’. Also, the term ‘dollar’ and ‘lie’ can be used interchangeably. For example, when we say the cost of living went down, we mean “the lie”, and when salaries went up, well sometimes it can mean the lie also. No one knows for sure and that’s what makes the lie so great. People can really stretch these lies to raise their standard of living, cut taxes, whatever…. Bank notes will be printed like stamps with no actual value printed on them – Just 'FOREVER'."

Congress still has to ratify this, but after passing the “Tax Reform Bill”, one Senator said, they’ll certainly swallow “The Lie”.

Trump Signs Executive Order Rescinding Obama’s Birth Certificate

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a public ceremony today, President Trump signed an executive order that rescinds Barak Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate. Also included in the executive order was a clause issue a new one that states his place of birth as Kenya in the revised birth certificate. Supporters of Trump applauded this move as fulfilling another of his campaign promises. 

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Largest Ever Bitcoin Mine Discovered In Colorado

Satirical News Service
Denver, CO

An unnamed prospector has stumbled upon what people are calling the largest Bitcoin mine ever discovered. Wandering through some rarely traveled areas in the Western Rockies, he stumbled accidentally into a mine shaft. Within it, he found hundreds of Bitcoins protruding  barely covered from the walls. Also in the mine were very high deposits of Bitonium – the ore used to make bitcoins. With bitcoins now valued at over $10,000, the estimated worth of this mine can exceed several billion dollars. The mine’s owner, Steven Friedman, is offering it for sale for 1 billion dollars – cash only.

Friday, December 1, 2017

Fib-It – Take Control of Your Fibs

Fib-ItLet's you Take Control of Your Fibs

Fib-It is the uses the latest technology to constantly monitor your every lie and half-truth so you can reach your goal of total deception. More than half a Congress and World leaders now use Fib-It to their advantage. It counts your hourly, daily, and weekly lies. It even lets them match their lies to polling data to see how well they have deceived.

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Trump Rescinds Turkey Pardon

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 After pardoning the turkey named Drumstick yesterday, President Trump promptly rescinded that pardon tweeting. “That ungrateful bird wasn’t the least bit grateful to me. Does it think ANYONE can pardon it? Too bad Drumstick – Pardon rescinded – You’re getting the axe!”

Monday, November 20, 2017

Minnie Mouse Comes Forward With Allegations of Groping by Walt Disney

Satirical News Service
Orlando, FL

Joining a growing chorus of women alleging inappropriate sexual advances by Hollywood, TV, and Political personalities, Minnie Mouse has become the first major cartoon character to allege that she was groped repeatedly by Walt Disney during her creation.

In a tearful interview, Minnie stated, “He liked to stick his ink pen in my “you-know-what”. Sometimes he would like to cover my whole body with black ink. I think he got some sort of kinky high from this”.

There was no word from the Disney Studio or his heirs over these allegations.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Donald Trump - "Hillary Groped ME"

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a week of allegations and counter-allegations of celebrities and other people groping women (and men), Donald Trump posted this tweet in which he says Hillary Clinton groped him in the second debate. There was no response from the Clintons' on these allegations, but FOX News is running continuous coverage of it.