Trump Reveals He Has an Ace-In-The-Hole to Avoid Jail Time

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

On FOX and Friends today, Donald Trump revealed he has an “Ace-In-The Hole” to avoid any jail time that Judge Merchan might impose on him. In the interview on FOX, Trump said, “ I’m not worried at all about going to jail because I have an ace-in-the-hole plan. It’s an official “Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card”. Because it was issued by Parker Brothers, It acts like the famous “letter of transit” in the movie Casablanca. It cannot be rescinded by any court in the world. Once I present this in Court, no matter what that wicked judge sentences me to I can get out of jail free."

Exclusive Offer from Truth Social – Commemorative Indictment Coins

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Now exclusively from Truth Social, comes an offer  of Commemorative Indictment Coins. Each of these 34 coins, cast in zinc and coated with 14K gold, features the full text of each of the vile and false Indictments of Donald Trump on one side. On the other side, it depicts Donald Trump being crucified on the Cross with his loyal supporters wailing at his feet. You’ll be able to hold and treasure these coins for years to come. They will surely increase in value just like the shares of Truth Social and NFT cards issued by Trump have. We are exclusively offering these commemorative coins for $1000 each or the whole set of 34 for $35,000. This is a tiny price to pay for remembering the terrible injustice that befell our great patriotic leader just for doing his Presidential duty. If you order now, we will include at no extra cost a facsimile of one of the checks made out to Michael Cohen “for legal fees”  bearing Mr. Trump’s signature.

This offer will only be available for a short time, or until Joe Biden's G-men close us down.

Shipping and handling are extra.