Venezuelan President Is Sending Gang Members To Protect Their DC Communities From National Guard And Ice

 

Satirical News Service Washington, DC

In response to Washington, DC now being overwhelmed with ICE, DEA, FBI, and National Guard from several states, Nicolás Maduro is offering to send handpicked gang members there to protect the Hispanic people who are being rounded up and “disappeared” by these lawless thugs sent by Steven Miller and  Pam Bondi.

In an interview, Presidente Maduro said it is heartbreaking to see old Abuelas and Abuelos being manhandled by these lawless thugs. Children are being ripped out of cars while their parents are hauled away to these swamp prisons or some strange foreign country. They claim they are only going after criminals and gang members. So if that is the case, we are going to send them our very best criminal and gang members to Washington, DC. Let’s see them go after them! I think they will find their jobs are a little harder than wrestling old men and women into waiting vans and rental trucks.

Trump Brokers Historic Piece Deal – “Oslo Here I c*m"

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

In a historic deal, Trump has managed to broker a peace deal between the two warring nations of Bumfukland and Pedofelia, who have been warring for decades over rights to the white slave trade. Trump, with his genius for Deal Making, threatened to put a 500% tariff on boys and young women exported from both countries, or if they both agreed to his peace terms, would make them a “Most Favored Nation” in the white slave trade with the US, and remove any “legal barriers” that might exist. Both nations would also have to agree to supply spa workers to Mar-a-Lago at a very reduced rate. He is expecting to hear from the Nobel Prize committee very soon.