Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Scientists at CDC have become aware of a growing number
of what they termed “Social distancing Long Haulers”. As more people have
become vaccinated and restrictions on gatherings and venues are being lifted,
there appears to be a number of people who have gone even further in limiting
any contact with other people. They have coined the phrase “Social Distancing
Long Haulers” to describe a cluster of symptoms ranging from agoraphobia to extreme
hermitism. While they cannot put an exact number, it has caught the attention
of the CDC. We tried to reach one of these “long haulers”, and after months of
unsuccessful attempts, we were finally able to get someone to respond. The
individual we spoke to refused to divulge
her name but said she was perfectly fine and did not want anyone to bother her.
She said she used to be a very egregious person who loved to go to parties and
social events and was active on social media and community clubs. When the pandemic
hit and everyone was forced into lockdown she reluctantly went along with the
recommendations and stayed home with her spouse. They used to phone their kids
(now grown) every week and frequently went to see them. Soon those phone calls
dropped off completely, then social media and even emails. After a while, even
contact with her spouse dropped off till she said she was content not having to
be bothered by anyone. She would hole up in her closet with a book and stay
there for days – ordering meals from Uber Eats and online grocery delivery to
be left on her doorstep. When concerned neighbors who had not seen her for
months called the police, they were able to establish that she was OK, but just
didn’t care to see anyone. She went on to say since no one was doing anything
but surfing social media and watching re-runs on Hulu and Netflix, she found
she had nothing to talk about. Soon, any
attempts to communicate just dropped off to zero. She said she stopped
answering her phone when every other caller was a robocall to tell her that her
car warranty was about to expire. She said she no longer misses human
interaction now and is content to stay inside like a hermit.
The CDC plans to study this, but it has become
difficult finding people to respond to their requests to interview them.
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