Mattel Tries to Launch “Ronny” Doll But Fails to Gain Any Sales

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, D.C.

In an effort to gain some traction from the recent success of the movie Barbie, The DeSantis campaign commissioned the toy maker Mattel to release a limited edition “Ronny” doll in the likeness of Ron DeSantis. However, after a brief test marketing effort with very poor sales and likeability ratings, Mattel withdrew the doll from the market after comments from mothers and girls showed the product was doomed from its inception.

“It always looks like it's scowling”, reported one parent

“It doesn’t seem to have an occupation or purpose and just looks stupid” comment another

Observers reported that kids playing with the dolls repeatedly got into fights with other Barbie Dolls – especially the Barbie School Board doll and the Barbie Librarian doll. Other girls playing with Ken dolls, especially the Afro-American-Ken dolls disliked him as did the Gay Alan dolls. His only friend dolls were “Trailer Trash Tom”, and “Biggot Bubba”. Even they started to dislike him, preferring instead to be friends with the “Can’t-Touch-Me Trump” doll.

In the end, Mattel just decided to abandon the effort and delegate the remaining unsold dolls to a landfill site in Florida.