Satirical News Service
Tallahassee, Florida
With the “Don’t Say Gay Bill” passed, and DeSantis’s feud with Disney now headed for the courts, the Republican-dominated legislature is desperately looking for a new group of people to pass laws against. As one Legislator put it, "We need to keep our base’s furor up against these 'cultural issues' lest they WOKE up and start wanting us to focus on the actual real issues facing Floridians."
High on their shortlist is Polydactylism. These are people who have six or more digits on their hands or feet. While it is relatively rare, it presents the perfect target for Republicans to single out a group to raise their furor against. One unnamed Republican legislator is quoted to have said, “These people have an unfair advantage in sports and other activities requiring manual dexterity. We need to ban them from participating in any of them. Can you imagine having to bat against a pitcher with 12 fingers – or a first baseman? We need to ban the sale of sporting equipment tailored to those needs as well as prevent doctors from providing hand therapy to them. This is the only way we can show Floridians and the American people that we are for a free and open society that is for equal opportunities for all.”
The Bill will be nicknamed the “Don’t Say Polydactyly” if
they can manage to pronounce it.
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