Harris Challenges Trump to Work a McDonalds Shift

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

In response to Donald Trump’s claim that Harris lied about working a McDonald's, Harris responded by challenging Trump to a McDonald's “shift-off”. The rules would be that each candidate would have to work an entire shift at one of the more popular McDonalds. They would be required to work just the two of them and handle all operations that a 16-year-old employee would. That would include cooking burgers and other items, packing meals, making fries, and managing the cash register. They would get only 2 15-minute breaks, and a manager would grade them on how well they fulfilled or did not fulfill their job duties. Harris said this way Trump could get some idea of what real people have to do in their low-wage jobs. At the moment, Trump has not yet responded to the question of whether he will take up the challenge.

Other Religons Want Equal Credit For Trump's Loss

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

 In the wake of Trump’s recent remark stating “If I lose it’ll be because of Jewish voters”, Religious leaders from across the spectrum expressed outrage.

“Why should Jewish voters get all the credit?" stated one Presbyterian pastor, “Many of our faith  hate him equally and want some credit for his defeat”. Another minister from the Unitarian Church  expressed equal sentiments “These days the Jews seem to always be in the spotlight for everything. We Unitarians have been working very diligently to dump the Trump”. Even Hindus and Atheists are outraged and said if Trump loses they want a share of the credit as well. 

Lord of the Vance

 

Lord of the Vance

I named him as my VP to the RNC

I know he’d be obedient to no one but me

He took center stage and appeared on TV

And no one could believe he was crazier than me

Vance, Vance wherever you may be

Calling out Cat ladies and Haitian Refugees

He criticizes the media and the Press at every chance

Since I am the Lord over JD Vance

 

He is a more extreme running mate everyone will vouch

I just keep him away from dogs and the living room couch

And when it comes to weirdness there is no one he can’t beat

Especially with his comments on what Haitians eat

Vance, Vance you really have them rolling

Just watch my numbers rise as the polls keep on polling

He’s my useful fool,  and I’ll use him every chance

For I am the Lord over JD Vance

RFK Jr. Takes Exception to Vance’s Remarks About Eating Neighbor’s Pets

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 RFK Jr. today took sharp exception to VD Vance’s recent remarks about Haitian Immigrants in Springfield, Ohio eating family and neighbor’s pets.

“There is nothing wrong with eating your domesticated family pet, although I would stop at eating your neighbor’s without their permission. Pets are humanly raised and free from hormones and other additives found in the highly processed foods at local grocery stores. They can be an exceptional healthy source of protein. There are many feral cats and dogs just running around neighborhoods presenting both a safety and health hazard as well as a great tax burden for having to create and maintain “No-Kill” animal shelters, or euthanizing and cremating these animals when they could be used for food. Many other countries do this and save their taxpayers millions of dollars."

NFL Sunday ticket to now offer a Premium package to feature Pop Stars PIP

 

Satirical News Service
NY, NY

The NFL Network is now offering their Sunday Ticket football package with an option to get PiP (Picture in Picture) of Taylor Swift throughout the entire game. It will be at a premium though adding an additional $10 a month to the package. They hope to add other pop stars soon as well as the Philadelphia Eagles have a contract in the works with Bionce to appear in their booth for all games. Other teams are also considering signing pop stars as well.