Evangelicals to Replace TSA screeners at Airports

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

With frustrated crowds waiting as much as 4 hours in security lines at some major airports, and ICE agents basically just standing around. Trump has decided to employ his loyal base of Evangelicals to screen passengers and luggage at airports. They will not use scanners but instead place their hands on bags and pray that they contain no harmful liquids, guns, or explosives. The passengers themselves will not have to go through scanners. Instead, specially trained Evangelicals will “look into the souls” of the passengers passing through to ferret out the “evil doers”. Some passengers, particularly of certain minority groups, might be asked to undergo special conversions, voluntary or involuntary, before they are allowed to pass through checkpoints.

Trump Signs Executive Order and Making Kharg Island the 51st State and Renaming it “Trump Island”

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

In a televised address posted on Truth Social Network, Trump signed an Executive Presidential Order making Kharg Island in the Strait of Hormuz the 51^st State of the United States. He has also renamed it Trump Island and appointed Don Jr. to be its first Governor. Immediately after being sworn in as governor, Don Jr. deployed 5000 US Marines whom he made "National Guardsmen," to defend the Island. That way, he could circumvent Congress and also claim that he is not deploying ground troops on foreign soil. In his address, he also declared that the Strait of Hormuz is to be renamed “The Straight of Trump”(sic).

Pete Hegseth Distributing Luxury Food items at local Food Bank

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

In an effort to deflect the storm of criticism over Pete Hegseth's spending $2 million on King Crab Legs, $6.9 million on Lobster Tails, and $15 million on ribeye steaks, all of which came out of the Defense Department Budget, he is seen here at his local Food Bank distributing these items to the poorer members of his community. While they were grateful, most would have preferred the SNAP benefits that were cut earlier this year. They also could have used the funds to help pay their heating bills, which rose dramatically because of freezing weather and blizzards.

Denmark Offers Trump “His own Personal piece of Greenland” Which They Renamed TRUMPLAND

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

With Tensions rising over Trump's insistence that he must have Greenland, a sovereign territory of Denmark, the Danish Government, along with Greenland, has offered Trump his own personal part of Greenland to satisfy him. It consists of a free-floating 10x10-foot iceberg that will belong exclusively to him, and the US if they want it. According to the Danish Prime Minister, “It is the perfect place for Trump to spend the rest of his life.”