Evangelicals to Replace TSA screeners at Airports

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

With frustrated crowds waiting as much as 4 hours in security lines at some major airports, and ICE agents basically just standing around. Trump has decided to employ his loyal base of Evangelicals to screen passengers and luggage at airports. They will not use scanners but instead place their hands on bags and pray that they contain no harmful liquids, guns, or explosives. The passengers themselves will not have to go through scanners. Instead, specially trained Evangelicals will “look into the souls” of the passengers passing through to ferret out the “evil doers”. Some passengers, particularly of certain minority groups, might be asked to undergo special conversions, voluntary or involuntary, before they are allowed to pass through checkpoints.