The Next Season of Survivor - Chilean Mine

Satiricial News Service
Santiago, Chile





With the World's media focused on the Chilean Mine rescue, mine owners are considering what to do with the now useless mine and how to pay for the millions of dollars it took to rescue the miners.

So it comes as no surprise that CBS has offered to lease the mine and the entire rescue set up for 6 months in order to use it as the setting for the next season of Survivor. The last survivor gets a million bucks, plus a lifetime of psychiatric care.

New DaVinci Painting Discovered - The Last Breakfast

In a week of startling new art finds, yet another lost masterpiece was recently discovered, this one, hanging in the basement of the Sistine Chapel. This painting pre-dates DaVinci's last supper and is thought to be the original inspiration for it. It is titled "The Last Breakfast".

Find your Career in the Lucrative Negative Campaign Ad Writing Industry

Hey Grads – sick and tired of trying to find lucrative work in this economy with your worthless English Literature Degree, Finance degree, or IT degree? Well those very same companies that are turning you away in the front door, are providing billions of dollars and new jobs thru the backdoor through shadow organizations like “Crossroads America", and "US Chamber of Commerce” that are producing tons of negative campaign ads.
So why not cash in on all this loot, by obtaining your degree in Negative Campaign Ad Writing here at the George Orwell Online University. He at GOOU, you’ll learn from the pro’s like Carl Rove and Glenn Beck, and Rush Limbaugh. In no time at all you’ll be spouting meaningless and provacative phrases like “Death Panels”, “Obamacare”, and “Fascist Socialism!” And.... you’ll be raking in the big bucks!

Here is a sample of what you’ll learn

Negative Ad Phrase Construction
Using only the words Tax Cuts, Big Government, Spending, Wasteful, Obama, Support, troops, dept, middle class, jobs, creation, and lost, you’ll learn to create hundreds of new negative ads.

Negative Campaign Diction
You’ll learn to speak in a indignant announcer voice a folksy hick dialect, and an indignant Momma grissly voice.

Photoshop Collage
You’ll learn basic Photoshop skills of taking photos of frowning candidates and collaging them along with your indignant phrases to create negative ads.

Basic Phone Camera Filming and Editing
You’ll learn how to create grainy unintelligible phone videos of candidate’s speeches and then edit them to say anything you want them to.

Fuzzy Math
You’ll learn the basics of fuzzy math so that you can make it sound like 2+2 really is equal to 1, and come up with big number phrases like “gozillions of dollars wasted”.

So don’t wait for hope and prosperity come back, take the opportunities that fear and loathing offer you right now in the creative and very very lucrative Negative Campaign Ad writing profession.

Women Supreme Court Justices Line up for New Term Photo

Retired Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, Justice Sonia Sotomayor, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the latest O'Bama appointee,Justice Elena Kagan (far right) shown in their own justice robes in this photo prior to Justice Kagan's Investiture, Friday, Oct. 1, 2010, at the court in Washington.

Negative Political Ads for County Coroner

This year political campaigns are all turning ugly – even the ones for of all things the County Coroner!
Here is an example of one of the negative political ads I’ve seen for this position.

My Opponent is a left handed Liberal who wants to literally drain the life blood out of the average tax payer!
He supports Death Panels!
He is up to his elbows in slime in the inner recesses of his less up-standing clients!

I on the other hand, want to pump new vitriol into the hearts of the average citizen!
I am willing to make the deep cuts necessary to see the job done right!
I want to expose the corrupt inner workings and am willing to probe into the deepest darkest places to get to the truth!
I stand for right leaning values and won’t mess around in the dirty recesses that my opponent says are just part of his job!

Vote for me for County Coroner.
Paid for by the US Chamber of Commerce and the Tea Party Express!

Pastor Vows to Barbecue Meat on Friday and Pork on 9/11!

Satirical News Service
Loseville, FL

In another Media Circus, today, self proclaimed pastor Jerry Tones announced that on Friday September 10th, he was going to barbecue a steak and on 9/11, he was going to barbecue pork ribs!
Jerry Tones who is pastor of the Church of the God-Loving-and-Liberal-Hating and-Any-Foreigner-Americans, announced that he was going to perform this public cooking demonstration to the national media in an effort to “Piss off all those Vegans and Muslims who don’t eat meat or pork”. He said is grilling the meat on Friday was in an effort to specifically piss off all the Catholics who still adhere to meatless Fridays.
Outrage and Pleas have come in from around the world for him to stop, stating that it could jeopardize American lives. Calls from the Pope, the Indian and Pakistani Prime Ministers, PETA, the AMA, Numerous Muslim Imams, and Whole Foods Executives have failed to persuade him against pursing this divisive and dangerous course.
Pastor Tones, who received his ordination via the Internet, and whose congregation consists of his two toddler nephews, has stood steadfast in his determination to perform this act stating “God has instructed me to do this to show he hates foreigners and liberals and especially Vegetarians!”
After two days of very tense negotiations and a personal plea from Sarah Palin who offered to send him a Moose to grill instead, he finally relented. So on Saturday September 11th, Pastor Tones will be cooking Moose burgers instead of pork and beef, slowly seared over a bed of coals made up of Korans and Torahs.

Original Satire from
Steven Friedman

Sarah Palin Revealed to be A Russian Spy

Secret FBI photos of Sarah Palin sending secret messages to Russia

Satirical News Service
Wasilla, Alaska

FBI today arrested Sarah Palin and her Husband Todd as part of a large espionage ring of Russian sleeper agents that had been planted in the United States presumably for years under the cover of ordinary citizens, but were secretly funneling information to Russia. According to the FBI there was darn good reason that she could see Russia from her porch. Secret photos now reveal that she used semaphore flags to send secret information to Russia. This certainly explains a lot about her involvement in the Tea Part movement. To think we came all too close to having a Russian spy as VP.