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FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Wednesday, April 27, 2022

Governor Abbott Proposes New “COVID Spreader Trials”

 


Satirical News Service
Austin, Texas

In an effort to deflect blame for rising COVID cases in his state without having to mandate masks, school closings, or vaccinations he has come up with a new plan modeled after the famed Salem Witch Trials. It allows people to accuse others of giving them COVID, not through normal  (*unproven) transition modes, but through nefarious means which are accepted as valid. Ordinary citizens could then use a special court held by Abbott's own appointed judges to adjudicate civil actions against the accused. Much like their draconian abortion laws, the state has no enforcement or need to adhere to habeas corpus. Vigilante groups will be able to round up accused spreaders and sue them for damages ranging from a few hundred dollars to several thousands. In the same way that Abbott has managed abortion rights, he is rallying his base around his new “Covid Rights Bill”.

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