Livestream of Execution Expected to get Higher Ratings than Super Bowl Halftime Show

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

After Pete Hegseth announced that the execution of the Fort Hood shooter will be livestreamed, Networks have been scrambling to gets rights to air this. Truth Social and Fox News have all announced plan to air it live. CBS is strongly considering it as well. To further boost its ratings, Truth Social will air a special Christmas show right after to highlight the “Season of Peace and Love”. Hegseth is also planning to commission special uniforms be made for the individuals chosen for the firing squad at a cost of several million tax payer dollars. Those individuals chosen for that task must show very high levels of testosterone. No fatties, No beardies, no weirdos, and no faggots need apply.

With TV rating expected to be higher than Bad Bunnies Halftime show at the Super Bowl, other nations have taken notice and also plan to live stream their own executions. Saudia Arabia plans to live stream beheadings, Iran will live stream public hangings from huge cranes, and Afghanistan will live stream public stoning of gay people. One un-named country is considering going to the electric chair for their live streams to boost tourism.

Kim Jong Un Announces (MSIT) More Superior Intelligence Than Trump’s

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC News

North Korea’s News Agency announced that they had developed MSIT, or "More Superior Intelligence Than Trump’s”.  Furthermore, they are already deploying it in every household throughout North Korea. It uses an “Ask Alexa” like interface called “Dear Leader is Listening” to ensure that every North Korean feels intimately connected to their Dear Leader. 

It is set up so that every hour it will ask the listener “What do you want to tell Dear Leader. He wants to know what you are thinking”. Failure to answer or answering in a flippant or negative manner will automatically generate a call to the secret police to “check up on you”.

Sources in the Trump Administration are saying the Trump is very interested in this “SI” model and wants Tech companies to start a crash program to develop a similar system called “Trump has Even More Superior Intelligence that Kim’s”