Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
After Pete Hegseth announced that the execution of the Fort
Hood shooter will be livestreamed, Networks have been scrambling to gets rights
to air this. Truth Social and Fox News have all announced plan to air it live. CBS is strongly considering it as well. To further boost its ratings, Truth Social
will air a special Christmas show right after to highlight the “Season of Peace
and Love”. Hegseth is also planning to commission special uniforms be made for the
individuals chosen for the firing squad at a cost of several million tax payer
dollars. Those individuals chosen for that task must show very high levels of testosterone.
No fatties, No beardies, no weirdos, and no faggots need apply.
With TV rating expected to be higher than Bad Bunnies Halftime show at the Super Bowl, other nations have taken notice and also plan to
live stream their own executions. Saudia Arabia plans to live stream beheadings,
Iran will live stream public hangings from huge cranes, and Afghanistan will live
stream public stoning of gay people. One un-named country is considering
going to the electric chair for their live streams to boost tourism.
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