Trump Fires Putin!

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Just Breaking. For the second day in a row of earth shattering news, Donald Trump stated he has just fired Vladimir Putin as his “chief adviser”. In a Tweet today Trump tweeted “He’s just not doing a good job – Sad! When I hired him as my super-secret chief adviser I expected him to tell me about all his contacts with Mitch McConnell, Michael Flynn, Steve Bannon and other staffers instead of going behind my back leaking it to the Press. Total Loser!”

Many staffers in the White House were taken by surprise with this announcement – mainly due to the fact that Trump thought that Vladimir Putin worked for him. White House Press Secretary Spencer tried to spin it saying “President Trump fired Mr. Putin because of his handling of Hillary Clinton’s emails.”

New Survivor Series – Overbooked Airplane

Satirical News Service

New York, NY

Executives at CBS have decided to take a page from recent events and create new episodes of the popular reality TV show Survivor to be set in an airport and “over-booked” airplane. First the contestants will be stranded at a gate terminal in some god forsaken airport with nothing around in the middle of a blizzard for several days. They will have to survive by finding whatever they can scavenge from Vending machines that will eat their change and deliver at random. Finally, they will be allowed to board the plane, but just as they are seated they will be told that “The flight is overbooked and they will need to randomly select passengers to deplane”. It is still unsure if the TV producers will then force other passengers to select who will be “taken off the plane”, or just make it a free for all to see who can stay in their seat while big burly mean looking security guards try to haul them off the plane. The last group standing will receive free airline tickets on United Airlines. 

S&M Airlines To Offer Elite Class Of Flying

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

S&M airlines, the airline that brought flying misery to a new low level, has just announced an elite class upgrade to give you the most humiliating flying experience possible. With this upgrade masochists will find their every flying fantasy fulfilled as they are forcibly dragged off the plane by dominatrix clad flight attendants amid the jeers and taunt of fellow passengers who will happily be posting videos of you begging and pleading as they drag you away. Right now this upgrade is offered only on selected flights, but as demand increases they hope to offer it on every flight.

United Airlines Announces Entry into Cruise Ship Market

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

The parent company of United Airlines just announced that it has entered the Cruise Ship market starting with low cost cruises to the Caribbean. They have already sold more than 5200 bookings for the maiden voyage on their 5000 passenger ship “Friendly Seas”.

LIE-GOS - The New Toy Sensation

Say kids, Help to Make America Great again with LIE-GOS!

LIE-GOS lets you build lies piece by piece out of little lies until you have Great Big Lies. These lies can get Yuge- and they can take almost any form. Are they strong? Well Even 65 million people can’t break them no matter how hard they try. Just look at some of the great things you can build with LIE-GOS.

Why you can Build an entire White House Administration out of them

Even an Entire Country!

Each set comes with a complete instruction set written by Steve Bannon himself. And it comes with a year's subscription to  Breibart News - so you can always have a new set of lies to build on. So don't wait till Christmas, order today so you can start to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN yourself!

Leslie Suter Called to Testify Before House Un-American Food Activities Committee

Leslie Suter invoking her 5th Amendment Rights to the House Un-American Food Committee hearings

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After Vanity Fair did a scathing review of Trumps Grill in Manhattan, an outraged Donald Trump called for an immediate investigation into un-American Food. “We need to make American Food Great again, and stop promoting so-called ethnic food – FAKE FOOD!”, he Tweeted. 

In response Congress has set up a House Un-American Food Committee to be chaired by Rep. Chris Collins (R-N.Y.) and Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.). 

“We want Americans to eat like Americans, and not be led down the path of Radical Islam by eating at so-called Middle Eastern establishments, or frequenting so-called Roach coaches that have been known to cater to Illegal Mexican and other undocumented ethnic workers particularly in the LA and Manhattan areas. We know that some so-called Americans who write food and restaurant reviews for prominent magazines such as Vanity Fair and LA Magazine are in collusion with these establishments as well as praising chefs who are openly gay. We plan on getting to the bottom of this and singling out those reviewers who write decidedly un-American pro-ethnic food reviews instead of praising great American Restaurants like Trump Grill."

First to be called before the committee were Tina Nguyen of Vanity Fair, and Leslie Suter of LA Magazine. Both invoked their Fifth Amendment rights to all questions before the Committee.

Putin Election Pledge To Make America Great Again - for Russia

Satirical News Service
Moscow

Vladimir Putin pledge to Russia for the up-coming elections is To Make America Great Again – For Russia. "When we make America great again for Russia”, he stated, “then Russia will be great for America. There is so much Russia has to offer America – like how to conduct surveillance and hack into computers, how to run a gulag, and how to lie and get away with it. Not like fumbling efforts you have now.” 

Putin is expected to win nearly 99% of the vote, but turnout is expected to be very low – about 100 voters in all.