Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Washington DC
A new discovery
by the CDC looking into the spread of COVID19 have uncovered that guns seem to
provide the perfect growth medium for COVID19.
“It is
something to do the composition of the gunmetal itself that COVID19 thrives
on. It can stay active and actually grow on the surface for months – maybe even
years. Anyone touching its surface is highly likely to become infected, and since
the concentrations of the virus are so high, those infections are more likely to
result in death. The only way to stop it is to literally melt the gun down. No amount
of cleaning will remove it no matter how caustic the disinfectant. People
owning guns are urged NOT TO TOUCH ANY PART OF THEM, and to immediately turn
the weapon over to authorities who can dispose of it in super-heated furnaces. Gun shows are particularly dangerous since
they provide breeding grounds for the virus.“
As one CDC official put it “We will be happy
to pry it from your cold dead hands if we need to, but only wearing proper PPE”
No comments:
Post a Comment