Scientists Have Reintroduced the Long Extinct “Dire Threat” into the World Order

 

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

In a remarkable feat of genetic engineering, scientists today have announced that they have resurrected the long extinct “Dire Threat” into the world order.

“The Dire Threat used to be the dominant threat in the world from the time of Vikings invading England, Hannibal crossing the Alps, and the chaos that had reigned over much of Europe during the Dark Ages. As civilizations grew, the Dire Threat eventually disappeared and grew weaker and weaker until now the dominant threat we have is the more docile Idle Threat to the world order.”

 Scientists were able to accomplish this miracle by taking genes from long-deceased Dire Threat bones found in caves in Europe and Asia and implanting them into genes from  Existential Threats, Imminent Threats, and Armed Threats. Once these produced offspring, we were able to see those Dire Threats roam freely again throughout the World Order. We are seeing it now in the World Economy brought on by Tariffs, Domestic Instability brought on by threats to civil rights and inflation, and International Threats with efforts to take over sovereign nations by force.

While it is yet to be seen how these Dire Threats will survive in the future, scientists are very optimistic that they will once again roam as the dominant threat to the planet and change the world order forever.