Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
Farmers who have already been hit by catastrophic weather
and inflation are now facing the threat of Retaliatory Tariffs from countries
targeted by Trump’s new tariffs. The USDA predicts enormous losses from US
farmers in every sector. Trying to prop up these losses with government subsidies
would be very unpopular with his non-agriculture base of voters and Congressmen alike.
Instead, Trump has offered farmers genetically altered magic beans.
“These beans were developed by Elon Musk to grow in any type
of climate or soil. They can reach towering heights and have root structures
that extend deep into the earth. Instead of just producing your usual beans, these beans then gather up minerals from deep in the earth and, mixed with the rarified atmosphere at several thousand feet, produce beans
made of solid gold.
To get these experimental genetically altered beans, farmers
must agree to accept these in place of crop subsidies or crop insurance
payments. I spoke to a farmer wearing “Trump
was always right” on his red hat said, “These are going to make the American
Farmer rich again”.
No comments:
Post a Comment