As the un-authorized, un-official spokesperson for Restless Leg Syndrome Telethon, I urge all of you to tune in at 12:01 am Xmas morning on your local unobtainable analog broadcast TV station, for the first Restless Leg Syndrome Telethon.
When Restless Leg Syndrome was first discovered three years ago, the airwaves were filled with TV ads to ask your doctor about medications for RLS. Then….silence. You probably haven’t seen an ad for RLS for more than 1 year. Just when RLS sufferers were beginning to come out of the shadows and were asking their doctors to prescribe these ridiculously expensive drugs, the pharmaceutical companies pulled the ads.
Now my telethon hopes to raise money so that more TV ads for these insanely overpriced medications can be broadcast once again, and new research can be done to invent new diseases to treat with poorly selling drugs. Maybe in time research can even be devoted to find drugs that can cure “erections-lasting-more-than-four-hours” … then again, maybe not.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
TSA Tasked with Verifying START Treaty
Satirical News Service'
Washington DC
Following this week’s ratification of the START treaty by Congress, the Obama administration has tasked the TSA with the job of inspection and verification.
“These individuals have been trained for this task or inspection and finding explosives”, said the lead negotiator for START.
Already in tests they have found 2 bottles of liquids containing more than 3 oz, a pair of scissors and a pocket knife in the first round of soviet missile inspections. “We are well on our way to verification”.
“These individuals have been trained for this task or inspection and finding explosives”, said the lead negotiator for START.
Already in tests they have found 2 bottles of liquids containing more than 3 oz, a pair of scissors and a pocket knife in the first round of soviet missile inspections. “We are well on our way to verification”.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Terrorists Using H20 From The Sky in latest Xmas plot
Satirical News Service
Washington,DC
Frozen H20 – a chemical compound - has paralyzed much of the UK , Europe and the Eastern United States Seaboard, while simultaneously unfrozen H20 is literally raining down in vast quantities on the Western Coast of the United States.
According to Homeland Security head, Janet Napolitano, these simultaneous attacks have all the hallmarks of an Al Quaeda terrorist plot. We still don’t know yet how the terrorists were able to obtain this chemical substance, H20, but we are investigating every possibility. The fact that they were able to deliver it over large parts of Europe and the US simultaneously from the air paralyzing travel and commerce is a particularly ominous development. In response to this latest threat, the Dept of Homeland Security is going to ban all water from airplanes and airports starting next week. Drinking fountains and toilets in airports and airplanes will be permanently closed as well as all in flight beverage services.
Washington,DC
Frozen H20 – a chemical compound - has paralyzed much of the UK , Europe and the Eastern United States Seaboard, while simultaneously unfrozen H20 is literally raining down in vast quantities on the Western Coast of the United States.
According to Homeland Security head, Janet Napolitano, these simultaneous attacks have all the hallmarks of an Al Quaeda terrorist plot. We still don’t know yet how the terrorists were able to obtain this chemical substance, H20, but we are investigating every possibility. The fact that they were able to deliver it over large parts of Europe and the US simultaneously from the air paralyzing travel and commerce is a particularly ominous development. In response to this latest threat, the Dept of Homeland Security is going to ban all water from airplanes and airports starting next week. Drinking fountains and toilets in airports and airplanes will be permanently closed as well as all in flight beverage services.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sarah Palin Implores Kim Il Jong to Tear Down The Wall Between East And West Korea
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Demonstrating her newly acquired knowledge of International Affairs in preparation for a still un-annouced bid for the 2012 presidential election, Sarah Palin today implored Kim Il Jong to tear down the wall the divides East and West Korea.
Washington DC
Demonstrating her newly acquired knowledge of International Affairs in preparation for a still un-annouced bid for the 2012 presidential election, Sarah Palin today implored Kim Il Jong to tear down the wall the divides East and West Korea.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Airline Passengers May Elect to be Waterboarded Instead of Full Body Scans
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Amid growing protests against Full Body Scans and personal pat-downs, the TSA announced today that passengers who refuse full body scans may elect to be waterboarded instead. "We understand passengers dislike of the personal pat downs, so we’ve elected to much less invasive means of screening out would be terrorists."
Those electing to be waterboarded will be allowed to board their flights in the unlikely event that they do not confess to being a terrorist planning to blow up the plane.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Tea Party Favors a Constitutional Amendment to Make "The Truth” Whatever the Majority of Congress Says It Is.
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Giddy with their victory in the midterm elections, the Tea Party is now proposing a Constitutional Amendment that would stipulate The Truth to be whatever a majority of Congress says it is. Since they now have a majority in the House, and they hope to eventually win over the Senate, they want to be able to define The Truth.
Speaking with one leader of the Tea Party Movement, he stated, “For too long The Truth has been dictated by Marxists Liberals who rely solely on facts instead of the Will of the People. We want to change this once and for all! When South Carolina’s newly elected Senator says that Obama’s trip to India cost 200 million dollars, that should be The Truth, because the majority of the people have spoken and they say it is! Likewise, FOX news polls show that the majority of people believe that Obama is really a Muslim and that he was born in Africa. That should stand as The Truth because it is a majority! Same with Global Warming, Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Immigration, Taxation, and Big Government Spending on Healthcare. We demand that The Truth should be defined by the majority and not by a bunch of so-called-intellectual Liberals."
Washington DC
Giddy with their victory in the midterm elections, the Tea Party is now proposing a Constitutional Amendment that would stipulate The Truth to be whatever a majority of Congress says it is. Since they now have a majority in the House, and they hope to eventually win over the Senate, they want to be able to define The Truth.
Speaking with one leader of the Tea Party Movement, he stated, “For too long The Truth has been dictated by Marxists Liberals who rely solely on facts instead of the Will of the People. We want to change this once and for all! When South Carolina’s newly elected Senator says that Obama’s trip to India cost 200 million dollars, that should be The Truth, because the majority of the people have spoken and they say it is! Likewise, FOX news polls show that the majority of people believe that Obama is really a Muslim and that he was born in Africa. That should stand as The Truth because it is a majority! Same with Global Warming, Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, Immigration, Taxation, and Big Government Spending on Healthcare. We demand that The Truth should be defined by the majority and not by a bunch of so-called-intellectual Liberals."
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Newly Elected Tea Party Candidates Announce Their Plan To Resign After Half Their Terms
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
In a surprise announcement coming just 24 hours after the mid term elections, most of the newly elected “Tea party” Republicans announced today their intention to resign after less than half their terms. Asked why they would announce their resignations immediately after they were elected they quoted from Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from her governorship of Alaska after half her term - “It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow". And only dead fish "go with the flow".
All of these newly elected congressmen said they plan to pursue more lucrative careers as Fox News Commentators now that they got the public exposure they were looking for.
Washington DC
In a surprise announcement coming just 24 hours after the mid term elections, most of the newly elected “Tea party” Republicans announced today their intention to resign after less than half their terms. Asked why they would announce their resignations immediately after they were elected they quoted from Sarah Palin’s resignation speech from her governorship of Alaska after half her term - “It would be apathetic to just hunker down and "go with the flow". And only dead fish "go with the flow".
All of these newly elected congressmen said they plan to pursue more lucrative careers as Fox News Commentators now that they got the public exposure they were looking for.
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