Fish and Wildlife Experts Alarmed by Ballots Found in Waterways

 

Non-native invasive Russian Ballot found in Waterway

Satirical News Service
Washington, D.C.

Fish and Wildlife officials have become increasingly alarmed at finding large numbers of election ballots in Lakes, Rivers, and waterways. Fishermen recently have reported that once they caught trout and bass in these waterways and now all they seem to bring up are election ballots. Wildlife experts have concluded that these are not native ballots, but an invasive species from Russia. This was confirmed by the Cyrillic writing on them. Most of them seem to be marked for Trump. The official went on to say, “These ballots have obviously been dumped here by person’s unknown and they are creating a huge pollution problem. Once they get in the waterways they emit toxic wastes that kill off native species of Democratic ballots which have become increasingly rare in rural areas. We still don’t have a really good solution to this problem other than to try to stock these waterways with more democratic ballots that hopefully they will proliferate and drive out the invasive species."