Disclaimer

FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Restless Leg Syndrome Telethon Xmas Eve

As the un-authorized, un-official spokesperson for Restless Leg Syndrome Telethon, I urge all of you to tune in at 12:01 am Xmas morning on your local unobtainable analog broadcast TV station, for the first Restless Leg Syndrome Telethon.
When Restless Leg Syndrome was first discovered three years ago, the airwaves were filled with TV ads to ask your doctor about medications for RLS. Then….silence. You probably haven’t seen an ad for RLS for more than 1 year. Just when RLS sufferers were beginning to come out of the shadows and were asking their doctors to prescribe these ridiculously expensive drugs, the pharmaceutical companies pulled the ads.
Now my telethon hopes to raise money so that more TV ads for these insanely overpriced medications can be broadcast once again, and new research can be done to invent new diseases to treat with poorly selling drugs. Maybe in time research can even be devoted to find drugs that can cure “erections-lasting-more-than-four-hours” … then again, maybe not.

TSA Tasked with Verifying START Treaty

Satirical News Service'
Washington DC
Following this week’s ratification of the START treaty by Congress, the Obama administration has tasked the TSA with the job of inspection and verification.
These individuals have been trained for this task or inspection and finding explosives”, said the lead negotiator for START.
Already in tests they have found 2 bottles of liquids containing more than 3 oz, a pair of scissors and a pocket knife in the first round of soviet missile inspections. “We are well on our way to verification”.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Terrorists Using H20 From The Sky in latest Xmas plot

Satirical News Service
Washington,DC

Frozen H20 – a chemical compound - has paralyzed much of the UK , Europe and the Eastern United States Seaboard, while simultaneously unfrozen H20 is literally raining down in vast quantities on the Western Coast of the United States.
According to Homeland Security head, Janet Napolitano, these simultaneous attacks have all the hallmarks of an Al Quaeda terrorist plot. We still don’t know yet how the terrorists were able to obtain this chemical substance, H20, but we are investigating every possibility. The fact that they were able to deliver it over large parts of Europe and the US simultaneously from the air paralyzing travel and commerce is a particularly ominous development. In response to this latest threat, the Dept of Homeland Security is going to ban all water from airplanes and airports starting next week. Drinking fountains and toilets in airports and airplanes will be permanently closed as well as all in flight beverage services.