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FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Congress finally passes a gun control law - Rifle Emoji to be Removed From the Internet


Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a show of unity and great moral courage Congress finally got a gun control law passed through both Houses of Congress.  It would effectively ban all emoji resembling a rifle from the internet.  The NRA had lobbied hard to block this, but in the end, some Republican Congressmen facing tough  re-election campaigns, conceded and voted to support the bill. Some Congressmen tried to add amendments that would also ban the Rainbow Flag, but these were defeated. Although this important legislation does remove the all import Rifle emoji, it does leave intact the ubiquitous handgun emoji. Opponents say this is just proof that Obama and Clinton want to take away our guns. Trump tweeted that this just gives ISIS more ammunition to carry out terrorist attacks. The NRA posted that they will fight this legislation and move for its immediate repeal.  Meanwhile Democrats are celebrating finally passing effective gun control legislation stating "We all feel safer tonight knowing that the rifle emoji has been banned from the Internet".

Monday, June 20, 2016

New 911 tapes give Orlando Shooters Motive- Hillary Clinton's Emails

In a rambling onesided conversation with Orlando Police the night of the shootings, the killer gave a long list of why he was performing this hideous act. In order of priority:
1. Show support of ISIS
2. Expose Hillary Clinton's emails
3. Expose Hillary Clinton's bungled role in Benghazi
4. Prevent Obama and Clinton from taking away our guns
5. Kill a lot of LGBT people

Trump immediately tweeted that this proves it was Hillary Clinton and Obama's fault.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

If Donald Trump Had Written the Preamble to the Constitution

We the people ……. and I don’t mean all those losers in Washington, and Illegal Spaniards who will someday become Mexicans when they declare their Independence from Spain, and Muslims, although they won’t be called that for probably another century, and Indians - like Pocahontas over there –  I mean those people out there who want to Make America Great Again – well actually for the first time since we’re still just a bunch of Colonies now – but the greatest Colonies in the world,…….in order to form a more perfect Union- and let me tell you it’s going to be the greatest Union you have ever seen – No one, and I mean no one will be able to form a better union than I can……. do establish justice – and I will give the greatest justice you have ever seen we’re gonna throw of a lot losers in prison– and we’re gonna have a lot of hangings too! We aren’t going to listen to all those politically correct people strutting around in their powdered wigs telling us what justice is…..insure domestic tranquility, and believe me it will be so tranquil you’ll beg for a little excitement……provide for the common defense,…..and we’re going  to have the greatest army in the world led by the greatest generals, and any country like Spain and England and France try to invade us or challenge us on the high seas, they’re gonna get their asses kicked. promote the general welfare……but not for those losers who can’t make it on their own, or who haven’t gone to my Trump University, and secure the blessings of Liberty and our prosperity, and let me tell you, I know something about prosperity. I  know how to make lots of money, and not just those worthless Continental dollars, but real gold money, and people who go my Trump University can learn how to make this kind of dough too through my carefully planned curriculum and hand picked instructors, do ordain and establish the Constitution….., and it’s the greatest constitution or parchment that has ever been written, except for my book On Secrets To Becoming Rich.