FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Friday, December 20, 2013

Dick Dynasty to Replace Duck Dynasty on A&E

In an effort to save face and escape further ostracizing by the Gay and Black communities after the outrageous comments by the Phil Robertson, the star of Duck Dynasty, A&E has decided to cancel the show and replace it with a show called “Dick Dynasty”.  Dick Dynasty will features four very openly gay men who sport vivid facial hair and rather vibrant and outrageous clothing. The cast consists of two gay white males, one gay black, one gay Hispanic, and one transgender. The show will be filmed in Minnesota which is more open to gays, and will feature the cast paddling through the lakes of upper Minnesota doing loon calls and photographing ducks from hideouts. No guns of any kind will be used in the show.

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Yes Virginia, There is No Black Santa Claus

"DEAR Megyn Kelly: I am 8 years old.
"Some of my little friends say there is a Black Santa Claus.
"Papa says, 'If you see it on FOX News  it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there a Black Santa Claus?


VIRGINIA, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the liberal media – the same liberal media that wants to ban guns, give poor people welfare and  force socialized medicine on us. They think that just because some misguided  shopping malls who cow-tow to political correctness, that makes it so. All these bleeding heart liberal minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are little and completely misguided.  In this great universe of ours FOX NEWS speaks the honest truth, that man is not descended from apes, as those liberal godless school teachers would have you believe it, are incapable of grasping the real truth and knowledge as we at FOX know it to be true

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is a Santa Claus, but let me assure he is most assuredly a white gun toting, tea party conservative. He exists as certainly as forty seven percent of the people live care free off the sweat of the real hard working tax paying Americans, and above all he is White! Alas! how dreary would be the world if Santa Claus were some some bling draped rapper with his pants down to his crotch blaring away some rap version of Santa Claus is coming to Town. It would be as dreary as if there were no FOX News. There would be no childlike bickering among ignoramuses on daily talk “news shows”, no idiotic “birther” arguments. We should have no facts except those reported by the liberal media. The eternal light with which FOX NEWS fills the world would be extinguished.

Believe in Black Santa Claus! You might as well believe in gun control and Obamacare! You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch some black rapper Santa Claus and blow him back to the South Pole where he belongs. But even if they did see Black Santa Claus coming down, could they prove that he wasn’t born in Kenya? Nobody believes in Black Santa Claus just like no one believes we should have a black President. That sign should be enough to convince you that there is no Black Santa Claus. The most real truths in the world are those that  I, and FOX NEWS want you to see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn or going to the city hall to get legally married? If you do call the police at once! Still that's no proof that they are not there, but we will do our best to try to ignore them. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders that are unseen and unseeable in the world, but we’ll do our best to convince you otherwise.

You may tear apart you TV set to see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the idiotic view of the world we present every day ; which not the wisest man, nor even the united strength of all the liberal intellectuals who ever lived, could tear apart. Push aside that curtain Virginia and view and the real world as we at FOX NEWS know it to be true. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this if we say it’s real, then it MUST be so.

A Black Santa Claus! Thank God there is no such thing! A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, we will continue to deny that he exists and that President Obama was NOT born in Kenya.

Sunday, December 1, 2013

New Rollout For Healthcare.gov Web Site

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Following the disastrous initial rollout of Healthcare.gov, the Obama administration has hired the makers of Xbox games to totally redesign the site.

                In beta testing now is Call to Healthcare. Once users enter this site they must run through a gauntlet of Republican congressmen who try to block everything; health insurance companies that try to cut off your access to healthcare by putting up enormous premiums in your path, and finally hospitals and doctors who make you wait in crowded rooms for care only to be told that you can’t get it because it they don’t qualify. Meanwhile users are pursued by relentless death panels that want to terminate you completely. So far the beta testing it did not fare well with anyone over the age of 14, but they are working on a new version called Fast And Furious Healthcare Delivery.