Letter to Queen Elizabeth Urging Great Britain To “Take Us Back”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Letter to Queen Elizabeth from America

Your Dear Majesty,

Look, we’re really sorry about that Revolution thing back in 1776, and the whole Boston Tea Party thing, but given the choice between the madness of King George and the madness of Donald Trump, we’d pick George any day.  We tried Democracy and it worked for a while, but now look what we’ve got.  A  Republican Congress that seems intent on shutting down every progressive thing that’s happened over the past century, a cabinet of Presidential appointees that are complete morons, and a President who sends out 3am tweets sitting on his toilet about Hollywood Stars and Beauty Queens who criticize him. It’d be so much better to be your colony again. We’d have a National Health Service, and cops without guns. ..OK – so we’d have to pay a little more taxes on tea, but who drinks that s##t anyway? I’ll be happy to sing “God Save the Queen” at baseball and football games if it would get rid of the idiots we just elected. Please, your majesty take us back….Please!

White House Releases Pictures of Huge Pro Trump Rallies

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Still fuming over the controversy about the size of the crowds at the Trump Inauguration, Sean Spicer, Trump’s Press secretary called an impromptu press conference to show newly released photos that clearly demonstrate huge crowds in support of Trump.

Melena Trump Says“My Donald Plans to Give Millions of Americans a Golden Shower”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a pre-inaugural interview on a leading talk show, Melena Trump blurted out “My Donald is good man! He said he plans to give millions of Americans a golden shower”.  Immediately Katrina Pierson tweeted, “Melena misspoke; she meant to imply that Trumps policies will shower millions of Americans with wealth, not that he would literal shower American’s with gold, or a “golden shower” as she naively implied in her interview. Later Melena re-stated that “Yes, Donald said those exact words. Isn’t he the greatest! He will make America Great again!”

Trump Proposes Coal Powered Space Shuttle

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Donald Trump tweeted today that he is going to propose that NASA develop a coal powered Space Shuttle to replace the current one. In his tweet he stated “We have tons of coal that is just lying there, and lots of coal workers who need jobs – this Coal fired Space shuttle is going to be tremendous – just tremendous! It’ll put us way ahead of both the Russians and Chinese in Space technology and create millions of jobs for Americans back home. It’ll make America Great Again!"

Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum to Depict President Trump Sitting on Gold Toilet, Tweeting

Satirical News Service
London, England

News came today that Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum in London will depict their figure of Donald Trump seated on his gold toilet, tweeting messages on his iPhone. It has been a tradition of Madame Tussaud's going back more than 100 years to depict famous figures in wax. These have included leaders both famous and infamous from nearly every nation on earth. These figures are usually depicted in ways that shed light on their true character. Thus it was quite a surprise when sources at the museum indicated this particular pose for President Trump. According to one spokesperson, “We have no obligation to anyone to depict anyone how they would like, instead it is up to our board of directors to suggest apt poses for new exhibits. We make no apologies.”  Upon hearing this Donald Trump tweeted “Madame Tussauds Museum -a loser! Avoid it."

Republican Congress Plans to Repeal 19th Amendment

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Sources close to Senate Leader Mitch McConnell said that one of the first items on the agenda after the repeal of Obama Care and funding for Planned Parenthood will be the repeal of the 19^th Amendment that gave women the right to vote. Sources close to McConnell reported that Trump’s inner circle as well as Trump himself has been wanting this for some time now. “Enough half measures – with this bill in place we’ll never have to worry about Hillary Clinton again!” he reportedly said to one aide.