Satirical News Service
The USA, which normally dominates skating events in the Winter Olympics, has performed unexpectedly poorly. With millions of dollars in revenue riding on these events, it is no small matter.
According the USA team skating coach Jack Ripper (retired USAF) the problem stems from the Russian’s use of Fluoride in the water to make the ice for the skating and Hockey events. “It’s incredibly obvious”, quoted Ripper, “Introduce a foreign substance into the water without the knowledge of the individual athlete, and certainly without a choice, to sap and impurify (sic) all of their natural bodily fluids. That’s the way your hard core Russkie works!”
The IOC is looking into these allegations.