Hillary Intentionally Gave Me Her Pneumonia! Tweeted Trump

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Many viewers were puzzled by Trumps constant sniffling during the debate last night. Trump later tweeted

“Hillary Gave me her pneumonia on purpose in futile attempt to show that I am not healthy – as I have shown I am repeated times on the Dr. Oz Show – In fact I am the most healthy person on the planet right now – except for this pneumonia that Hillary Clinton intentional gave me, and now I can’t get proper treatment for it because Obamacare is raising the price of medicines so high even I can’t afford them. But don’t worry folks, I’ll still get over it. I have a source in Mexico who can get me whatever I want. So it won’t work Hillary!”

LIberals Fear If TRUMP is Elected Everyone Will be Forced to Carry Guns

Sarirical News Service

Washington, D. C.

Liberal anti-gun lobbies, are warning voters that if Trump is elected, he’ll force everyone to carry a loaded firearm to protect themselves against Muslim Terrorists and Mexican drug dealers and rapists. Many liberals site that while the Second Amendment protects the rights of people to own guns, it does not mandate that they do so. They fear that if Trump allowed to pick the next Supreme Court justice, they may uphold such a mandate. One fearful black mother stated “How will my children protect themselves from police if they know that everyone has a firearm? They’ll shoot first and ask questions later.” Many states are already considering tough “Stand-Your-Ground” laws to protect citizen’s  from the massive proliferation of guns. The NRA, which sponsored this radical bill is heralding a new Golden Age of Second Amendment Rights stating “If you’re a good guy with a gun, what do you have to fear?”.

Obama Devastated to Learn He was not Born in Kenya

After listening to Donald Trump for years, Barack Obama was convinced that he was actually born in Kenya despite having a birth certificate showing he was born in the US. ”Now Trump says he believes I was born in the US! I am devistated! How can I go on after finally accepting my African birthright that Donald Trump so courageously exposed, only to hear him repudiate it?”

Critical Questions for the first Presidential Debate Submitted by Viewers

Satirical News Service
Washington DC 


SNS has obtained a list of questions that selected members of the audience have submitted in advance of the upcoming first debate between Clinton and Trump.

1. Do you think that someone with small genitals is qualified to become president?
2. Which brand of cough drops do you think is better to control coughing fits
3. How would you handle your emails. Would you require all staffers to save spam emails?
4. If a transgender came into your bathroom, would you leave or continue to do your business?
5. If you were president would you use the term Radical Muslims?
6. Mr. Trump, would your first act as president be to fire justices of the Supreme Court. If so which ones?
7. Mr. Trump, can you tell us what extreme vetting might involve, is it kind of like extreme x-games?
8. Do you favor putting a woman on a US 20 dollar bill? If so which one?
9. Mr. Trump, is Mexico the only country you would build a wall across? How about Canada, and maybe an Atlantic and Pacific Wall?
10. Hillary Clinton, do you have any regrets for forming ISIS?
11. Mrs. Clinton, if you became President would you allow Bill to have interns again?
12. Mr. Trump, would you require The Art of the Deal to be mandatory reading in schools?
13. Would you repeal NASCAR since its taking away so many jobs from Americans? How about the INDIE 500?
14. Would you support a ban on Mexican food being served in tax supported school lunches?
15. This is for both Candidates – Which works better Viagra or Cialis?

Trumps Colonoscopy Report Revealed - Confirms He's Completely Full of Shit

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

For the first time Donald Trump presented his "Medical Records" on a live Dr. Oz. show. The report conclusively confirms that he is completely "Full of Shit" as revealed in his recent colonoscopy report.

Trump warns - Voters could catch Hillary's Fatal Pneumonia by voting for her

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

After ABC reported that Hillary Clinton has come down with a case of pneumonia, Donald Trump tweeted.
"You know pneumonia is very contagious - very contagious", People have said that just by voting for Hillary Clinton, you could catch her pneumonia and perhaps die from it" I don't know, these are very intelligent people who have said this". If I were voting, I sure would not want to take a chance of catching her fatal disease."

I am Going to be the Most Secretive President in US History

Satirical News Service 
Washington DC 

Amid new FBI revelations that Hillary Clinton lacked basic secrecy training, Donald Trump today responded saying "When I'm President, we'll have total secrecy! "I am going to be the most secretive President in the history of this country! Believe me, I already know how to keep secrets. My tax returns and financial holdings are completely secret. There will be no more leaks coming from my administration either. We'll have extreme vetting for anyone with access to government records, and anyone leaking them  - they're going right to jail! And the Freedom of information act that gives terrorists access to stuff that should be secret – That goes too – Day one In my administration!"