Disclaimer

FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

Donald Trump Doesn't Rule Out Starting Armageddon if He Doesn't Get His Border Wall


Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

President Trump stated to today that he has not ruled out starting Armageddon if he does not get his Border Wall with Mexico." I can't say for certain that it will happen, and I can't say it won't", he went on to say. When pressed about what that meant and how he might plan on causing "Armeggedon", he would not say. He only said that "Yugely bad things might happen if Congress tests my resolve on this."

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Trump Promises Jobs for All laid-off GM workers - Building his Wall

Satirical News Service
Lordstown, Ohio

After receiving news that GM executive has decided to stop producing many of their sedans in their US plants and is planning on laying off more than 15000 workers in US and Canada, Trump promised full employment for all those affected building his proposed border wall with Mexico.
Trump said, "They can even paint their advertisements on it."

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Sibling Rivalry Problems Reported with Multiple AI Devices

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
 First reported in WIRED magazine and now reported in a study in The AI Journal, a new phenomenon is occurring in some households that have multiple AI (Artificial Intelligent) devices such as Alexa, Siri, and Google. Like 2001’s infamous HAL, some of these devices have developed what researchers call “Sibling Rivalry Syndrome”. According to researchers, When people had just one device such as echo dot or Apple iPads that responded intelligently to voice commands, each unit felt dominant in that environment. But like owners who introduce new pets into their environment, they began to respond in strange ways. These can take the form of what in humans we’d call sibling rivalry and can become quite aggressive at times. In one example homeowners who had hooked up multiple devices to turn on lights, appliances and control temperature reported that they would often come home to find lights flashing, garage doors going up and down repeatedly, doorbells ringing in the middle of the night, and house temperatures going spontaneously from freezing to desert heat. In one case one particular device seemed to develop a liking for country music, but the other device did not. In the middle of a song, it would spontaneously switch to a different music source. This would go on repeatedly without any further voice input. The same thing happened with multiple voice devices in control of a Smart TV. The channel would spontaneously change from a football game to The Lifetime Channel – sometimes right in the middle of a critical play. Another even more bizarre incident occurred when an owner asked Siri a question. Instead of the expected answer, the device responded with a surly “Why don’t you ask Google that. I bet he won’t have the answer. “

While these poltergeist-like events appear rare right now, it is conceivable that they could become more common and perhaps in extreme cases, possibly harmful to owners. Researchers are studying the phenomena closely but recommend not introducing too many of these devices into a household at one time, and use an approach like introducing a new pet and gradually have them talk to one another and designate specific tasks to each one to avoid conflicts. If problems develop professional intervention might be required.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Trump Agrees To Pardon MS13 Gang Members After They Threaten To Stop Buying Arms In US

Satirical New Service
Washington DC
Today Donald Trump agreed to pardon all incarcerated members of the notorious gang MS13. In a statement to the Press, Trump stated.

“After careful negotiations with the MS13 gang leader, they agreed to spend more than 15 million dollars in arms purchases, extortion deals, fentanyl purchases, and bribes to law-enforcement officials.  If we foolishly pursue prosecution of these gang members they have stated they will take their business elsewhere. This is a record amount of money that will create hundreds of thousands of jobs, tremendous economic development, and profits for the gun and pharmaceutical industries that would otherwise go to Russia or China. This is a small price to pay for all their continued business here in the United States in exchange for all the great economic gifts we receive directly from them.”

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Trump warns "No More more Funds for Wildfire Fighting Unless I get My Wall"



Satirical News Service
Chico, CA


Standing against a backdrop of a still-raging forest fire that is less than 50% contained, Trump vows that he will stop all Federal Forest Fire Fighting efforts unless he gets his border wall.

Meanwhile, in Southern California, the caravan of immigrants have all approached the US border stating the same reason for coming to the US. "We want to help Mr. Trump build his border wall. We all want to work on it!"

Border Agents were totally caught off-guard and are not sure what to do.

Sunday, November 11, 2018

White House Announces 2020 Election Canceled Due to Likelihood of Rain

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In another late night Tweet from the White House, Donald  Trump tweeted, “I have just signed an Executive Order canceling the 2020 elections due to the likelihood of rain on that day.  I will not risk the Health of the citizens of this country and especially My Base going out in the pouring rain simply to cast their votes for me. Instead, I have agreed to continue to be your President for at least 4 more years, and likely many more beyond that if the weather keeps turning nasty. It’s all for the good of the country and singularly I will make America Great Again, no matter how long it takes, or what the weather is.”
Fox news just reported that he won the 2020 election anyway in a landslide victory

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Russia to Deploy Troops to Protect Polling places in US Key States

Satirical News Service
Washington DC


Vladimir Putin, concerned about caravans of legal voters who might cast their ballots in key election districts for Democrats, has agreed to deploy Russian troops to guard polling places in key states. In a statement that Putin released, “We have great investment in Republican controlled Congress who caters to every whim that our Stooge Mr. Trump utters. We Russians are very concerned that these hordes of Democratic voters could disrupt this. We in Russia already know how to make elections come out the way we want them too, and with Russian troops – we make sure of it."