Satirical News Service
The CDC today confirmed that they now have identified a second case of Affluenza. Affluenza first appeared in teenage boy who killed 4 people after driving his car drunk. Affluenza is caused by an excessively affluent upbringing which affects the victim’s ability to determine right from wrong, display any responsibility, empathy or compassion for others, and can cause frequent outbursts of bizarre and inappropriate behavior and language. The second individual identified only as Mr. T clearly appears to have had this disease for quite some time, It is feared the Mr. T may also have come in contact with thousands of people.
While males with affluent upbringing and lifestyles are most susceptible, it is uncertain how it affects other individuals who are not affluent. A CDC official stated that in non-affluent individuals symptoms appear early on to cause a loss of rational judgement, paranoia, and aggressiveness. The CDC currently offers no treatment or cure for this disease and they fear that even casual contact with individuals who have it with it might transmit the disease.