Thursday, August 20, 2015
Satirical News Service
Donald Trump today elaborated on his plan to end automatic birthright citizenship. To enforce this, he proposed to have US customs agents present at all live births. Newborns would have to enter the world through US customs and immigration stations, first having filled out the proper forms and presenting proper documentation to show that both sperm and egg donors were US citizens at the time of conception. If they are unable to produce this documentation, the newborn must return to the womb and apply for either a pink card for a girl or a blue card for a boy and wait 90 days before trying to be born again. According to Trump this will practically eliminate “illegal birthright” immigration into the USA.
Friday, August 7, 2015
After announcing that North Korea was creating its own time zone one half hour different from Japan, Kim Jong Un announced that he was also turning back the calendar 2000 years. This would give North Korea time to catch up to the rest of the world in 2015.