FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

BP to try Bottom Shot if Top Shot Fails

Satirical News Service
New Orleans, LA

If tomorrow's attempt of a "Top Shot" to stop the undersea oil leak fails, scientists at British Petroleum are considering trying a "Bottom Shot". A "Bottom Shot" consists of first lowering a toilet over the well head. Once secured, a deep sea diver descends and basically sits on it and takes a big dump, which hopefully will stop the leak. As one un-named BP official stated, "finding people who are full of crap around here is no problem".

Friday, May 21, 2010

Make Big Bucks From the Oil Spill With Our Home Refinery Kit

Hey all you out of work fisherman, shrimpers and resort owners on the Gulf. Don’t despair just because your livelihood has been ruined by endless gobs of oil leaking from the broken BP oil well. Here is your chance to cash in and make big bucks.

How you say??
It’s Simple – Start Your Own Home Refinery!

Yes refining oil from crude oil is as simple brewing beer in your bath tub and best of all there’s a huge supply of FREE CRUDE oil just waiting there for you and you to scoop it up.

With our simple kit, and few hundred gallons of crude oil that you can simply scoop up for FREE from anywhere along the gulf shoreline, you’ll be able to make your own gasoline from your own refinery right in your own home.

No more paying big bucks at the gas station to fill up your car!
Before long you’ll be selling your own gasoline and making big bucks like those morons at BP!

Best of all at the rate this thing is spilling you’ll have an endless supply of raw crude oil for years to come.

Order today!

BP Now Says their Oil Spill is Payback for Taxes on Oil (ala Boston tea Party)

Satirical News Service
New Orleans

In a strange news conference yesterday, British Petroleum announced today that the Oil Spill, that remains 90% uncontorlled, is just their way of protesting higher taxes on oil much as the Boston tea Party was the Colonialists' way of protesting taxation on Tea.
Apparently they are trying to capitalize on the growing popularity of the Tea Party Movement in a bid to win sympathy and prevent the federal government from enacting more stringent regulations.
At the conference BP announced that they will continue dumping oil in protest until the US government repeals all taxes on it.
Good luck with that one!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Material for "Junk Fix" to BP Oil Pipeline Leak Revealed

Satirical News Service
New Orleans

BP officials have revealed for the first time the material they plan to pump into the leaking pipeline to stop the leak. After considering golf balls and old tires, they found that they were insufficiently "trashy" enough to do the job. This is what they finally decided would work.

Leaking Oil Spill Before "Junk" Applied
Leaking Oil Spill After "Junk" applied.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

New Solutions to Fix the BP Oil Spill

Satrical News Service

New Orelans, LA

After the latest attempt to stop the BP oil spill failed after using a 4 story “hat” to cap off the deep well head, engineers are looking into new “hat” designs that might work. Here are a few candidates for re-designed "hat's".

This is the model that has been suggested by Tea Party Groups

This is the design that has been suggested by Consumer Groups and Environmentalists

This design is favored by Wall Street

This is the design that was recommended by the Engineering community

This design is favored by the Texas Oil Rig Workers

This design is the one most favored by the general public

Sunday, May 2, 2010

New Recipes for Gulf Seafood BP style

New Recipes for Gulf Seafood

As they say, “If life gives you lemons, make Lemonade!” Chefs in Louisiana, now faced with their sources of fresh seafood becoming contaminated with crude oil from the massive BP platform spill, are coming up with new variations on seafood recipes.

Oysters Hayward (CEO of BP)

This is a variation on Oysters Rockefeller. Take 6 oysters (shucked). Place them on a small raised dish sitting in a larger dish filled with sea or salt. Fill the smaller dish with light crude oil and ignite to cook the oysters. The burning crude will mask the oily taste of the oysters and impart their own unique flavor. The cooked oysters can them be dipped in the oil tainted salt water to give them their unique BP flavor.

Blackened Red Fish (BP style)

Take 1 Red fish or Beam. Place in dish filled with oil tainted sea water and ignite. Serve when thoroughly blackened.

Shrimp BP style

Cook and shuck gulf shrimp recently caught in tainted waters off Louisiana. Let cook and peel. Serve with a dipping sauce of light sweet crude oil.

Bon Appetite!