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FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

New Version of Statue Of Liberty To Be Erected On Texas Border

Satirical News Service
Laredo, Texas

The Tea Party is now raising money the erect a new version of the iconic Statue of Liberty, to be erected on the US Mexico border. It is expected to be over 300 feet high so that people on the other side of the border fence can see it for miles. As a Tea Party Spokesperson stated “It’s high time we erect a statue that reflects the new view of immigration into the United States.” The inscription on its base will read “Go  the  F*** Home!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Miss Manners Answers on the Subject of Pot

As more states legalize pot and it becomes mainstream, an entirely new etiquette will have to found. SO expect to see the following advice column coming to your local hometown newspaper.....
Dear Miss Manners

What is the proper etiquette for passing a pipe among friends, and is it proper for the spouse of a friend to light my husband’s pipe or is that implying something 
suggestive?

MM: In small circles the pipe is always passed to the left, unless there are only three of you; in which case any-which-way goes. As for your friend’s spouse, I would have her keep her “flame” for her own husband. It is certainly not proper for anyone but their own spouse to light their husband’s pipe – in every way.

When meeting my father-in-law for the first time, is it a good idea to offer for him to get high with you? I want to leave a good impression on him.

MM: You will have to weigh that with whether you want your first impressions of each other to be as raving idiots in search of midnight munchies. You might make a good impression on him, but leave the wrong one with your future wife. I’d wait on that.

We've been invited to a BYOP party. We have no idea how much to bring. Are we supposed to know how to roll a joint? How much pot do you put into a joint? Also does everyone smoke just their own, or do you pool it all together? Is so is it OK to take home left overs?

MM: Generally everyone is left to their own devices on this. If you are brand new to pot, it is OK not to bring any and share with people there. You can also politely say you don’t know how to roll a joint and get help. Usually people will bring anywhere from ¼ oz to ½ oz. depending on the quality and cost. It’s a lot like BYOB. Some people bring Johnny Walker Black while others bring WILD IRISH ROSE. 
As a rule you do not pool all your pot together. To begin with, people take great pride in their score and want to show off their special stash. You are usually expected to fill the bowl from your own stash (or pass your own joint) when your turn comes. It is impolite to “boggart” or hog a joint or pipe that is passed to you. Since you are not pooling your pot, it is OK to take home whatever is left from what you brought, and OK to take home any extra special brownies if it OK with the host.

We are planning a party and would like to invite our minister. Is it OK to offer him a “hit on the bong”? Are they allowed to do that?

MM: My very first high, when I was a freshman in college, was with our campus minister – so for the most part it is allowed by their ordinances or denominations, but whether they will or not is another matter. If they frequently preach against “the sins of alcohol and the flesh”, I would say, probably not. If they preach about the Coming of the Age of Aquarius, I think you’ll find him or her very receptive.

My husband wants to build shelves in our living room to show off his collection of bongs. I think it’s tacky. Now he wants to display all these decorative medicinal bottles of all the different kinds of weed he has. Do you think it’s tacky?


MM: My dear girl, whether it is showing off cars, beer bottles, or stuffed fish Men must have their trophies. Perhaps you can limit him to one particular wall in an out of the way place to put his stuff. 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Supreme Court Strikes Down 1964 Voting rights Act

Fifty years after its' ground breaking passage, the Supreme Court has struck down the 1964 Voting Rights Act. In the majority opinion written by John Scallia, the court stated that Black poeple are not corporations, and therefore by definition, not people, making them ineligible to vote.