Trump Expected to Name His Son Baron as Supreme Court Nominee

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

Donald Trump today named his 12-year-old son Baron to be the new Supreme Court justice to replace Anthony Kennedy who announced his plan to retire. "I want someone who will on the court for the next 50 years", he stated at the Press conference. Reporters questioned this decision stated he could only read at a 7th grade level, and had no knowledge of  Constitutional Law. Responding to this Trump said "He doesn't need to read - he just needs to do exactly what I tell him to!"

Sarah Huckabee Reviews The Hen Restaurant in Lexington, VA

Satirical News Service
Lexington, VA

After I had heard so much hype about the famous “Hen Restaurant” in Lexington, VA, I decided to try it myself. I must confess that I was severely disappointed.

I started with “The Hate Plate” which I found very bitter and very difficult to chew. It would have been much better if it had more heat to it and came accompanied by thick rashers of racism. This was followed by a what was supposed to be a large helping of Bigotry, but I confess I could find little trace of it. Portions of this same dish served in Mr. Trumps’ restaurants over-fill the plate and even then there is more left over. Here, you could barely muster a bite of it. 

The next course was what was listed as “Righteous Indignation”. I found it very hard to swallow, so I would highly recommend you do not order it. The last course was a "mixed plate of lies, half-truths, and outright falsehoods". While it had the right idea, I found that it lacked the skill to prepare it properly. At Mr. Trump’s restaurants, they serve it piping hot and smothered with vitriol and piss-and-vinegar. This dish seemed tepid and weak. The only dish that I did find to my liking was what the Menu listed as “Minny Jackson’s Chocolate Surprise Pie”. I really don’t know exactly what that surprise was, but I really ate it up and asked for seconds.

By-the-way the service was lousy!

Zero Stars!

Sarah Huckabee Sanders

White House Releases Photos Of Democratic First Ladies Emblazoned Clothing

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After coming under harsh criticism for Melenia Trump’s wearing what could only be called a heartless cynical expression emblazoned on her designer jacket in the midst of a growing humanitarian crisis in the US that said “I Don’t Really Care. Do you?”, the White House countered back that the Democratic First Ladies had done it first. Releasing what they said were un-altered photos of previous Democratic First Ladies that they claimed were gleaned from the historical presidential archives at the Smithsonian, they said: “This proves it!”

Kim Jong-Un Magnanimously Agrees to Take Refugee Children (and Women too)

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 In a communique delivered by the DPRK, President and Eternal Leader Kim Jong-Un has agreed to take all those troublesome children who have crossed the US border illegally – and some of the women too! In his statement “As a gesture of our newly found comradery, the DPRK has agreed to take off your hands those criminal refugee children who are causing you so much difficulty. We will also take some of the women too. We have lots of places for such children and their mothers and know how to deal with them”. 

As of yet, the White House has not responded to Kim’s offer.

KIM WANTS BORDER WALL TOO- AND DEMANDS TRUMP PAY FOR IT!

Satirical News service
Pyongyang  DPRK

Still flush after his grand “Photo Op” with President Trump, Kim Jong-Un, is making a new demand before he will start any measures toward denuclearization. In a statement released by DPRK media, Kim has stated that North Korea NEEDS A WALL between North and South Korea. While he did not state whether the wall was to keep his people in, or other people out, the implication was clearly the former. In his briefly worded statement, he said: “We need a Wall – and I’m going to make Donald Trump Pay for it!” To demonstrate his resolve, Kim has ordered more than 10,000 children to be separated from their parents and taken to “special internment camps” to be held there until he gets his wall – no matter how long it might take. There was no immediate word from the White House or State Department.

French Government Demand Return of Statue of Liberty

Satirical News Service
Paris, France

In a sharply worded communique to the United States, the French government has demanded the return of the Statue of Liberty that has stood in New York Harbor for more than 100 years. In his statement, France’s President Macron stated “At the time this gift was bestowed to the United States, it acted as a symbol to people worldwide that the United States offered hope from a life of persecution, intolerance, and injustice. It was felt that this statue by Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi with her shining torch symbolized this hope. We in France are sad to say that today in the United Stated States quite the opposite is true. We feel it hypocritical to let the work of a such a great Frenchman continue to stand in the gateway of that country. We are henceforth sending a group of French Engineers who will be responsible for the dismantling and relocation of the Statue to a country that is more fitting to receive it.”

At Last, A Chance to Become Irresponsible Without Blame With NotResponsibilify

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

At last, there is a chance to live totally irresponsibly without consequences!  NotResponsiblify is a new class of drug that works with the system to absolve you of any trace of responsibility for reckless or poorly thought-out actions. In 4 out of 5 cases people who have made reckless Tweets or Texts, got caught driving drunk, or let loose at their boss or spouse were able to blame it on  NotResponsiblify and get away with it. NotResponsiblify should be taken just before or immediately after performing irresponsible acts, or reckless texts of tweets. Side effects may include occasionally show cancellations, firings, and divorce. Ask yourself is this right for you?