FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Michele Bachman Launches Campaign Tour

July 1, 2011
Satirical News Service

Washington DC

Only one week after announcing her candidacy for President, Michele Bachman announced that her first campaign stop after Iowa will be in New Hampshire where she will recreate Paul Reverse’s historic ride that warned the British that the Americans are coming. Her next stop will be in Historic San Antonio where she will speak at the Alamo – the historic site where American Patriots laid down their lives to prevent illegal immigration from Mexico. Then it’s back to Washington DC to commemorate the signing of the Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation in which Lincoln courageously cut taxes emancipating US citizens from the crushing burden of high taxes from the previous administration, and thus creating millions of jobs for Negroes in the South.

Tea Party faithfuls are hoping that these rallies will show that Michele Bachman has the knowledge and skills to assume the presidency in the upcoming 2012 election.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Obama Agrees to Sell the War in Iraq and Afghanistan to China for $118 Billion

Satricial News Service
Washington DC

As a way of demonstrating to the American people that he can end the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, and balance the budget at the same time, President Obama announced today a landmark deal with the Chinese government. In the deal in the US will sell exclusive rights for the Chinese government to continue to conduct both wars, for $118 billion dollars. This represents approximately the cost of Afghanistan alone for one year- a terrific bargain! In return the Chinese get a new place to try out all their new high tech weapons.

Vice President Biden stated in a news conference “This is a Big F#$&!ing Deal! It’s easily as significant as the Alaskan Purchase in the 1800’s. In addition to getting those two pieces of shit off our plate, we also get to show we’re balancing the budget too.”

Monday, June 6, 2011

Anthony Wiener's Wiener (to tune of Oscar Meyer Weiner)

Oh I like to be Anthony Weiner’s Wiener
That is what I’d really like to be
Cause if I was Anthony Wiener’s Wiener
Women could get a Twitter feed from me.

Oh I’d hate to be Anthony Weiner’s Weiner
That is what I’d really hate to be
Cause if I was Anthony Weiner’s Wiener
A lot of people would want to chop at me!