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FAKE NEWS (just sometimes we wish it weren't)

Thursday, April 29, 2010

IRS TO INSTITUTE A STOP AND QUESTION POLICY MODELED AFTER THE ARIZONA IMMIGRATION LAW.

Satirical News Service
Phoenix, AZ

Following on the heels of the Arizona State Legislature’s new Immigration “Stop and Prove Citizenship” law, the IRS is also implementing a new policy that would require all law enforcement officials to stop and question citizens in the State of Arizona to prove that they have filed and are not delinquent on their income taxes. The provisions of this law make it mandatory for all persons to carry proof of filing and payment of all federal and state income taxes or be subject to arrest.
“We feel it is about time that the government take this enforcement seriously. After all, the law is the law, and it is a federal crime to be delinquent in paying your taxes. Just look at the criminals who avoid paying taxes – drug dealers, pimps, gun dealers – not to mention those high-and-mighty Wall Street types! Nope, it’s time to start enforcing the laws of this country! If you can’t prove you paid, you’re going to get arrested! We don’t intend to profile anyone, but confidentially, if you are white and drive a Mercedes, you had better carry proof of payment to the IRS!”

Original Satire from
Steven Friedman

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Future Censuses to Use Color swatches to Classify Race

Satiricial News Service
Washington DC


Amid the uproar over which race box to check on the current Census Form, US government officials annouced today that they will use a different method to classify people's race. According to one un-named official, "We've been getting a lot of heat over which race box to check, You have people wanting to classify themselves as "Tanned Americans", "Tea-Party Americans", and then of course there are people like the late Michael Jackson who want to be classfied as "Transitional". To address this controversy, the Census Forms will no longer use words. Instead citizens are asked to match thier skin color as closely as possible to the swatches provided in the form. Hence forth, people in the US will no longer be classified by words, but rather by their swatch number. It is hoped by going to this method, the Census Bureau can be more accomidating to all American's.