Satirical News Service
Washington DC
SNS has recently obtained a top-secret report indicating a
growing secret alliance between the Amish community and China. While the
Chinese have dominated the High tech Industry for over a decade now thanks to
weak liberal trade and copyright policies, the Chinese have found themselves
behind in the Low-Tech sector. The report indicates that Chinese officials have
a plan to totally dominate this sector, but lack the know-how. In order to
overcome this, they have formed an unlikely alliance with US Amish Communities.
They plan to steal all their low-tech ideas and produce these items in their
own “slave-run” factories.
The report goes on to state “In the coming decade the growing
radical liberal climate change worriers will outlaw all drilling and mining of
fossil fuels and leave most American motorist totally without means of
transportation – except for the Amish who have perfected the low tech means.
The Chinese hope to start a crash program to mass-produce these vehicles that
can be powered by a variety of animals and humans." The Chinse have also
surmised that those same liberals will ban meat and dairy products which would
then produce a huge surplus of animals that could be used to harness these
vehicles. They could also be run by human power which the Chinese are now testing using unruly dissidents to powers the vehicles.
In exchange for their cooperation, the Amish will be getting
some of the latest Chinese Solar-powered space lasers that they can use to offset
the effects of climate change. Top secret photos have surfaced revealing such
devices being readied to launch at undisclosed Amish farms.
Both MTG (Majorie Taylor Greene) and Josh Hawley have demanded
Congressional investigations into these very credible reports.
*This report is a
total fabrication meant to be Satirical In nature
