Christi’s Set to Auction Digital Farts for over 600 Thousand Dollars

Satirical News Service 

New York, NY 

With the craze for NFT Digital Art starting to fade, entrepreneurs have come up with a new scheme for so-called NFTs, Digital Farts! These are digitally captured sounds of rather loud flatulence accompanied by a scratch-and-sniff matrix. When each cell is scratched, it releases a unique odor of the creator’s own flatulence. Each of the pieces on auction will contain 25 unique farts and smells and each one bearing their own NFT. Since each of the 20 cells of sounds and smells can only be used once, it only increases its value to collectors. “Imagine if you could experience the actual sound and smell of great artists like Picasso or Van Gough. It would be just like you are in the room right next to them sharing a uniquely intimate experience “. 

Baby Formula Shortage Linked to High Levels of CRT Contamination

 

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

 The nationwide shortage of baby formula that has swept this country has now been linked to the closure of one of the three factories that make baby formula here in the USA due to high levels of CRT that were contaminating large batches. The entire production had to be recalled and production stopped. CRT or Critical Race Theory has recently been appearing in Children’s storybooks, school curriculums, and even Math textbooks. Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis has even gone so far as to ban the teaching of Math until new CRT-free textbooks can be produced. The factory that produced the contaminated baby formula suspects that the production line might have gotten contaminated when some Antifa leaning employee brought in a copy of “WOKE BABY” to share with her co-workers. The contamination spread into the product line and the whole factory had to be shut down for purging. The “so-called shortage” is also linked to retailers who are intentionally hoarding stockpiles of it in anticipation of an explosion in the US birthrates after the Supreme Court overturns Roe vs. Wade, and states begin passing and enforcing draconian anti-abortion laws. The billions of abortions that happen almost daily in those states will be reduced to a trickle, and all those babies will be born en-mass. Demand for Baby formula will skyrocket and we’ll profit mightily. THANK YOU, SCOTUS!