LET'S GIVE OPPOSITE ATTRACTIONS A TRY

 

In an effort to bring some semblance of de-polarization and cooperation to the US right now, I propose merging the two parties onto a single "Opposite Attractions" ticket.

Hamas Leaders Offer To Broker A Ceasefire With The House And Senate Leaders to End Shutdown

Satirical News Service
Washington, DC

The two remaining leaders of Hamas, Khaled Mashal and Khalil al-Hayya, have offered to broker a ceasefire and Peace deal between the warring US Republican and Democratic House and Senate leaders who have shut down the US government for more than 2 weeks. In a speech given to the press, they voiced their concern that this has gone on too long and that they will never be able to put the rest of the Gaza Peace Plan together without a functioning government. Both sides seem to be intractably dug in on their positions. While a deal appeared to be in the making last week, a new demand for the swearing in of Arizona Representative and the full release of the unedited Epstein documents and videos was completely rejected by Mike Johnson.

Hamas proposes to hold the peace talks in one of the last intact bunkers in the deep underground complex inside  Gaza and far away from the war-torn streets of Washington D.C., Chicago, and Portland, Oregon.

Khaled Mashal and Khalil al-Hayya are getting high notice from the Nobel Peace Prize Committee to perhaps become next year’s winners.

In their statement, they expressed thanks to  Donald Trump, who taught them the "Art of Deal Making".