Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
PBS, soon to be renamed KBS (Ken Burns Station) has announced plans
to create a six-part documentary called “Our Flag”. It will focus on choosing the
flag, sewing the flag, and pledging allegiance to the flag. In the first
episode, it will feature hours of close-up footage of women in period costumes cutting
and sewing to strings of traditional fiddle music. There will also be endless readings
of arguments as to where to place the stars and stripes, and what color to make
them. At least three of the episodes will be about flying the flag with scenic
footage shot in all climates, in all places, at all times of the day, followed
by at least 10 minutes of footage of honor guards at funerals slowly folding the
flag. It will also feature heroic paintings and photos of people raising the flag
to patriotic bugle and drum music. The last episodes will focus on pledging (or
not pledging) allegiance to the flag, and how this little publicity stunt by a magazine
led to the “Pledge of Allegiance” coming to be recited in schools and meetings.
There will also be scenes showing throngs of numerous school-age kids reciting
it, as well as American Nazi’s rally at Madison Square Garden in the 1930s.
The series will be completed with footage of all manner which people who wear the flag
in and on their clothes, jewelry, and vehicles, and have created their own new
versions of it.
