New Underwear Regulations for Passengers Being Considered by Homeland Security

Satirical News Bureau
Washington DC

Following the recent Airline Bombing attempt by a Nigerian Man who had a chemical bomb sewn into his underpants. The Homeland Security Administration is considering taking steps similar to the ones it did after the Shoe Bomber and the Liquid Soda Bomber – namely limiting the type of underwear that men may wear onboard or aircraft.
Just as with the 3 oz liquid restrictions that were imposed after the liquid soda bomber attempt, the volume permitted inside of men’s underwear will be strictly limited

The Following Type of Men’s underwear will be prohibited

This type will only be permitted when worn on the outside when boarding aircraft.This type of men’s underwear is recommended since they limit the place and size that bomb making equipment may be stored.
Homeland Security Agents are expected to do an underpants check on all men boarding planes starting in early 2010.

Original satire from
Steven Friedman

Green Jackets and Woods

Green Jackets and Woods
With Profound Apologies to the late Dr. Seuss

You are Tiger, Woods you are
It’s a shame about that thing with your car
Would you wear a Green Jacket and Play?
Would you play this very day?

I would not wear a Green Jacket and Play
I would not play on any day
I would not play on your green grass
I would not play, so up your ass!

Would you wear a green jacket and play?
Would you play next Saturday?

I would not play next Saturday
I would not wear that green jacket and hat
I would not play with that Nike Swoosh
So stick this ball right up your toosh!

Would you wear a green jacket and play
Just think about what your public would say!

I would not wear a green jacket and play
The hell with my public, there’s just no way!

Would you bring your green jacket and ball?
Or is this just another stall?

I would not bring my green jacket and ball
My lawyer says I could lose it all
So keep your green jacket and all your dough
I’m trying out for a reality show!



Original Satire from
Steven Friedman

The Night Before Xmas Revisited 2009

Twas the Night Before Xmas and all thru the land
The Congress was ready to take a big stand
All the deals and votes were up in the air
The hope was that Congress would soon pass healthcare

The lobbyists were happy and filled with good cheer
And toasted how well they provoked public fear
With Lieberman and Snow now safe in their pockets
They watched as the Congressman sat down in their dockets

The Public Option was dead on the floor
As was Early Medicare and help for the poor
While rhetoric and media ads like a hurricane fly
Helped provisions and amendments one-by-one die.

When out in the lobby there arose a big clatter
It was Teabaggers and Liberals mad as a hatter
The Abortion Rights women and Right to Life Groups
Were yelling and shouting to rally their troops.

Then out on balcony of the House down the hill
Stood the one man who would ultimately sign off on the bill
His eyes they were focused, his demeanor steadfast
In hopes that this bill would pass at last.

On Dashel, On Bennet, On Dodd and Landrieu
On Leahy, On Lugar it’s all up to you!
Away with High Costs and Premiums rising
Away with denials that have us all crying
Cut out all the waste and Medicare Cuts
And Give us a health plan that won’t drive us nuts!

And as he departed I heard him declare
Lets finally stop bickering and Reform our Healthcare!



With Holiday Cheer
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman