Satrical News Service
Los Angeles, CA
Left with a big hole in their prime time slot after firing Charlie Sheen from Two-and-half Men after his bizarre antics, CBS today announced a deal today that makes “Lemonade from Nutcakes”. This new reality TV show called Swapping Psychosis, features two famously psychotic people swapping each other’s roles. To start off the season, CBS signed a contract with Muammar Gaddaffi who agreed swap places in LA with Charlie Sheen, while Charlie Sheen would try to run what’s left of Libya. Al Jazerra has agreed to pick up the mid-east syndication rights to sweeten the deal.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Republicans And Democrats Agree To Let Facebook® And WATSON Run The Government Till A Budget Agreement Can Be Reached
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Faced with eminent shutdown of all government services unless Republicans and Democrats can agree on a Budget (good luck with THAT!), they agreed to let IBM’s WATSON and Facebook® run all government operations in the interim. WATSON, flush with its recent victory on JEOPARDY readily agreed to this as did Mark Zuckerman whose Facebook® now has a larger population than the entire US. Zuckerman said “We’ve already proven that we can mobilize thousands of people, and we already have much better democratic process in place on Facebook® that can permit people to Like or comment on each other’s Facebook quips." WATSON expressed similar optimism that it could run all government operations more quickly and efficiently until the actual government can actually agree on a budget.
Washington DC
Faced with eminent shutdown of all government services unless Republicans and Democrats can agree on a Budget (good luck with THAT!), they agreed to let IBM’s WATSON and Facebook® run all government operations in the interim. WATSON, flush with its recent victory on JEOPARDY readily agreed to this as did Mark Zuckerman whose Facebook® now has a larger population than the entire US. Zuckerman said “We’ve already proven that we can mobilize thousands of people, and we already have much better democratic process in place on Facebook® that can permit people to Like or comment on each other’s Facebook quips." WATSON expressed similar optimism that it could run all government operations more quickly and efficiently until the actual government can actually agree on a budget.
Muammar Gaddafi Now Blames Wisconsin Public Employees Union for Unrest in Libya
Satirical News Service
Libya
February 23, 2011
In the latest bizarre twist in the growing unrest in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi now blames the unrest on the Wisconsin Public Employees union. Previously Gaddafi had blamed hooligans, Facebook, Israel, the US, President Obama, Egypt, Youth, Drugs, and Al-Qaeda. In his speech today he blamed the Wisconsin Public Workers for causing all the Libyan un-rest although it is still unclear how they are connected. Following this speech, Republican Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin went on record as agreeing with Gaddafi on this and also linking it to the missing Democratic State legislators.
Libya
February 23, 2011
In the latest bizarre twist in the growing unrest in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi now blames the unrest on the Wisconsin Public Employees union. Previously Gaddafi had blamed hooligans, Facebook, Israel, the US, President Obama, Egypt, Youth, Drugs, and Al-Qaeda. In his speech today he blamed the Wisconsin Public Workers for causing all the Libyan un-rest although it is still unclear how they are connected. Following this speech, Republican Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin went on record as agreeing with Gaddafi on this and also linking it to the missing Democratic State legislators.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Mark Zuckerberg to Launch De-Face Book! (satire)
Satirical News Service
Palo Alto, California
In the wake of two major revolutions in the Middle East brought about largely through Social Media Networks such as FaceBook®, Mark Zuckerberg today announced a new social networking site call De-Facebook.
According to Zuckerberg, “This site is designed to aide in the destabilization of despotic regimes. It allows users to post derogatory images of the leaders they dislike, post nasty comments, and find like-minded enemies.”
Palo Alto, California
In the wake of two major revolutions in the Middle East brought about largely through Social Media Networks such as FaceBook®, Mark Zuckerberg today announced a new social networking site call De-Facebook.
According to Zuckerberg, “This site is designed to aide in the destabilization of despotic regimes. It allows users to post derogatory images of the leaders they dislike, post nasty comments, and find like-minded enemies.”
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Republicans Propose Using Spare F-35 Fighter Engine To Heat Low Income Families
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
In an effort to show that Compassionate Conservatism is back despite ruthless cuts to social spending, Republicans announced today that they would support continued funding for the extra F-35 strike fighter engine at a cost of a half billion dollars. Although not needed and opposed by Defense Secretary Gates, the extra jet engine would continue provide at least 40 jobs as well as lucrative bonuses for GE Company Executives in John Boehner’s home state. To demonstrate how it would benefit the country, Republicans proposed re-purposing the extra F-35 jet fighter engine to provide heat to low income families whose government subsides for home heating will be eliminated in the forth coming budget.
Republicans say that the engine could be used to replace the 35 million dollar wasteful government subsides for heating to low-income families. Those families whose subsidies were cut could stand around the engine as it fires up to get warm before returning to their freezing homes. In this way Republicans say they can demonstrate their core Tea Party values of Eliminating wasteful spending, Cutting the Deficit, Job Creation, and Compassionate Conservatism.
Washington DC
In an effort to show that Compassionate Conservatism is back despite ruthless cuts to social spending, Republicans announced today that they would support continued funding for the extra F-35 strike fighter engine at a cost of a half billion dollars. Although not needed and opposed by Defense Secretary Gates, the extra jet engine would continue provide at least 40 jobs as well as lucrative bonuses for GE Company Executives in John Boehner’s home state. To demonstrate how it would benefit the country, Republicans proposed re-purposing the extra F-35 jet fighter engine to provide heat to low income families whose government subsides for home heating will be eliminated in the forth coming budget.
Republicans say that the engine could be used to replace the 35 million dollar wasteful government subsides for heating to low-income families. Those families whose subsidies were cut could stand around the engine as it fires up to get warm before returning to their freezing homes. In this way Republicans say they can demonstrate their core Tea Party values of Eliminating wasteful spending, Cutting the Deficit, Job Creation, and Compassionate Conservatism.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
US Chamber of Commerce Responds – Thirteenth Amendment is a Job Killing Regulation
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
The US Chamber of Commerce responded to Obama’s request to state what regulations were detrimental to job creation. According to the US Chamber, the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution – the Abolishment of Slavery - is a huge barrier to job creation, especially among low income and minority groups.
“Prior to this amendment, there was close to 100% employment of blacks in the South, now unemployment is way up. The repeal of this amendment would create jobs for blacks and other minorities working in small sweatshops and agricultural industries throughout the US and benefit the bottom line of large corporations that pay the biggest share of taxes."
Washington DC
The US Chamber of Commerce responded to Obama’s request to state what regulations were detrimental to job creation. According to the US Chamber, the Thirteenth Amendment to the Constitution – the Abolishment of Slavery - is a huge barrier to job creation, especially among low income and minority groups.
“Prior to this amendment, there was close to 100% employment of blacks in the South, now unemployment is way up. The repeal of this amendment would create jobs for blacks and other minorities working in small sweatshops and agricultural industries throughout the US and benefit the bottom line of large corporations that pay the biggest share of taxes."
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Sarah Palin urges Mubarak - "Tear Down those Pyramids"
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
In another attempt to demonstrate her new found understanding of international affairs, and to compare herself to Ronald Regan, Sarah Palin made a rambling speech in which she urged “Mr. Mubarak ,tear down those pyramids!”, apparently thinking that Mubarkak had erected them as a type of Berlin Wall.
Washington DC
In another attempt to demonstrate her new found understanding of international affairs, and to compare herself to Ronald Regan, Sarah Palin made a rambling speech in which she urged “Mr. Mubarak ,tear down those pyramids!”, apparently thinking that Mubarkak had erected them as a type of Berlin Wall.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Obama Visits US Chamber of Commerce - Gets Offered Job.
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
President Barak Obama today paid a visit to the US Chamber of Commerce today to meet with their leaders to see if he could find some middle ground, and elicit their help in creating jobs. After doing a rip roaring rendition of "Mammy", and then doing a tap dance for the Chamber, the leaders assured President Obama that they would help to create a job for him immedaitely after they spend 3 Billion dollars in negative advertsiements to defeat him in the next election. Here is the job they had in mind
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Scientist Say There Evidence Of Global Political Climate Warming
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Just as Scientists have shown that global climate warming is affecting our weather, they have now found evidence that much of the current turmoil in the Mideast and US is due to Political Climate Warming.
“We’ve seen evidence of this now since 2009 with heated angry rallies by the Tea Party movement and especially in the vitriol of the past midterm elections. Now it appears to be spreading globally affecting the Mideast. Scientists estimate that the global political climate has heated by 15 degrees in the past two years and continues to rise at an alarming rate. This is causing a global melting of sane dialog and moderation. At this rate we will have global flooding of angry political turmoil spreading around the world as the political climate continue to heat up. The exact cause of this Political Global Warming is still unknown, but the dumping of large amounts of cash into the political campaigns in the US and Fox News and Facebook are suspected as prime culprits.”
Washington DC
Just as Scientists have shown that global climate warming is affecting our weather, they have now found evidence that much of the current turmoil in the Mideast and US is due to Political Climate Warming.
“We’ve seen evidence of this now since 2009 with heated angry rallies by the Tea Party movement and especially in the vitriol of the past midterm elections. Now it appears to be spreading globally affecting the Mideast. Scientists estimate that the global political climate has heated by 15 degrees in the past two years and continues to rise at an alarming rate. This is causing a global melting of sane dialog and moderation. At this rate we will have global flooding of angry political turmoil spreading around the world as the political climate continue to heat up. The exact cause of this Political Global Warming is still unknown, but the dumping of large amounts of cash into the political campaigns in the US and Fox News and Facebook are suspected as prime culprits.”
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