Satirical News Service
Washington DC
In an effort to show that Compassionate Conservatism is back despite ruthless cuts to social spending, Republicans announced today that they would support continued funding for the extra F-35 strike fighter engine at a cost of a half billion dollars. Although not needed and opposed by Defense Secretary Gates, the extra jet engine would continue provide at least 40 jobs as well as lucrative bonuses for GE Company Executives in John Boehner’s home state. To demonstrate how it would benefit the country, Republicans proposed re-purposing the extra F-35 jet fighter engine to provide heat to low income families whose government subsides for home heating will be eliminated in the forth coming budget.
Republicans say that the engine could be used to replace the 35 million dollar wasteful government subsides for heating to low-income families. Those families whose subsidies were cut could stand around the engine as it fires up to get warm before returning to their freezing homes. In this way Republicans say they can demonstrate their core Tea Party values of Eliminating wasteful spending, Cutting the Deficit, Job Creation, and Compassionate Conservatism.
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