Satirical News Service
Tallahassee, FL
Following the verdict in the Michael Dunn Case
after the tragic “stand your ground” shooting of a Florida teenager in a parking
lot, Florida legislatures acted quickly to prevent this from happening again. The Republican House Speaker was quoted as
saying “There is no reason that people should possess large numbers of downloaded music files and have the unrestricted right to play them openly in public at high volumes threatening the lives
of Florida citizens.” He went on the
propose a 10 day waiting period before being able to download more than 4 songs
a day, background checks on any person owning an ipod or MP3 player, and a law
mandating that all MP3 and ipod devices be equipped with volume regulator
devices to prevent them from playing at more than 6 decibels. "While these
measures may seem overly restrictive to some Americans, we feel it is the only
way we can protect our gun loving citizens who might feel threatened by this,
and force them to have to stand their ground using deadly force."
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