Nigerian School Girls SOLD into Slavery!

Satirical News Service
Legos, Nigeria

In a frightening new development in the Nigerian School girls kidnapping story, Satirical News Service has learned that Abubakar Shekau, the leader of Boko Haram has apparently sold the young girls to one of the most notorious and lawless person on the face of the planet. They were taken by force to his remote and lawless enclave that identifies itself as part of no country. Shown here, in a photo taken by someone close to the new Master, The leader of this group known only to his followers as “Clive” addressed his newly acquired harem .

“Let me tell you something about the Negro…….”

Texas, Florida, and Oklahoma Legislatures Adopt “Death by Obamacare” as Method of Capital Punishment.

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Following the botched execution by lethal injection of an inmate in Oklahoma this week, three state legislatures have passed bills changing the method of execution to “Death by Obamacare”. Much like Thomas Edison’s push for the electric chair in the 1890’s as a way to show people the inherent dangers of AC current, this method of execution is designed to demonstrate to people how lethal Obamacare can be. Although details of this method are intentionally vague, sources report that it involves a three step process. First the condemned person is forced to appear before a five person “Death Panel”. Next the condemned is placed on a gurney in front of a computer terminal where they are then logged in to Healthcare.gov. Then a team of government appointed doctors mandate certain procedures and test be carried out.

 “While some people in the legislature felt that this represents cruel and unusual punishment, we feel that it suits the purpose of acting as a deterrent to crime and also letting people know just how lethal Obamacare is, by intentionally killing someone with it.”