TRUMP DECLARES VICTORY IN THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!

A HUGE BITCOIN MINE WAS DISCOVERED IN COLORADO, THAT YOU CAN OWN!

Hey, middle-class America! Now that you’ve received that YUGE tax cut, here is something you can do with that money that will make you SUPER RICH (and you won’t have to pay any more taxes at ALL!)

With BITCOINS now selling in excess of $15,000, you can get in on OWNING A BITCOIN MINE!

Two prospectors were roaming around the Western Rockies when they discovered an abandoned GOLD mine. The Gold had been mined out of it, but what they discovered was even more valuable. YUGE deposits of BITOMIUN – the raw ore that BITCOINS are actually made from. The concentration of BITOMIUN is so high that it likely to yield 15-20 BITCOINS per ton! That's YUGE!!!!

The prospectors decided rather than take all the wealth for themselves, they’d let it TRICKLE DOWN to the Middle Class. So they decided to off SHARES in the mine.

Each share sells for a mere $5000, but with ALL THAT MONEY YOU’RE GOING TO GET BACK FOR YOUR TAX REFUND, you’ll be able to afford it. Then as the Price of BITCOINS keeps rising, you’ll be in the SUPER-RICH class before you can say “Trump is a LIAR!”.

We’re offering this great deal FIRST to those who’ve shown steadfast support to TRUMP and his REPUBLICAN CONGRESSIONAL ALLIES.

Just think of all the things you’ll be able to do with that LOOT. Buy a second Jet (tax-free fuel!), Afford that Yacht in Boca Raton; Own your own Congressman…who knows.

Just send me $5000 in Bitcoins OR Untraceable cash to receive your SHARE certificate entitling you to the profits from the Colorado BITOMIUN mine.

Remember, this offer is available ONLY to the First 40 million Republicans.

US Changes the Name of It’s Currency to “The Lie”

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a bold move today, the US Treasury announced that henceforth the US currency will be called “The Lie”. To Republicans in Congress, this comes as no surprise since their currency has always been The Lie. With the name change will come an entirely changed way that bank notes are printed and money is referred to.

“The great thing about the lie, is that it can mean whatever we want it to”, said one Congressman. When we say We have reached our goal of cutting spending by 90% it’s the ‘Lie’ that we are referring to. Likewise when we say ‘Raising taxes on the Middle Class will save them money’, it’s also the lie we are referring to. The great thing about the lie is that it really has no actual value tied to it. Basically, it’s ‘whatever we say it is’. Also, the term ‘dollar’ and ‘lie’ can be used interchangeably. For example, when we say the cost of living went down, we mean “the lie”, and when salaries went up, well sometimes it can mean the lie also. No one knows for sure and that’s what makes the lie so great. People can really stretch these lies to raise their standard of living, cut taxes, whatever…. Bank notes will be printed like stamps with no actual value printed on them – Just 'FOREVER'."

Congress still has to ratify this, but after passing the “Tax Reform Bill”, one Senator said, they’ll certainly swallow “The Lie”.

Trump Signs Executive Order Rescinding Obama’s Birth Certificate

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

In a public ceremony today, President Trump signed an executive order that rescinds Barak Obama’s Hawaiian birth certificate. Also included in the executive order was a clause issue a new one that states his place of birth as Kenya in the revised birth certificate. Supporters of Trump applauded this move as fulfilling another of his campaign promises. 

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