Trump Signs Executive Order Mandating Dementia Test For Every Voter

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Determined to show his toughness on preventing voter fraud, Trump today signed a Presidential Executive order mandating that every voter must pass a standard dementia test before being allowed to vote. In his statement, he said, “We simply cannot allow people with dementia to vote in this election. I had no problem passing it – in fact, I scored the highest score ever recorded on it. I’d like to see how Sleepy Joe does. “

To enforce this governors are required to assign doctors at each polling place to administer the test. In the event that a person does not understand English, Google Translate will be used to translate the questions and answers. Only those individuals who score 85% or above will be permitted to vote.

Trump signs Executive Order to Defund China

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

Trump signed an executive order today to “Defund China”. 

In a rambling statement, he said

 “Biden and the Democrats want to defund everything that American’s hold sacred. They want to defund the Police, they want to defund the Military, they want to defund our latest branch of the Military- the Space Force, they want to defund our churches and our oil industry that has been building that great pipeline through South Dakota until those liberal Court justices shut it down, defund the Wall……

Well today, I am going to defund China! Take that Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden!”

No one in the administration could tell us just what “Defunding China” means.

Trump Signs Executive Order Invalidating All Indian Treaties

Satirical News Service
Washington DC

After the Supreme Court sided with the Native Americans in Oklahoma in the recent decision, an angry Donald Trump today signed an Executive Order in-validating all previous treaties with Native Americans. In his tweet, Trump announced.

"If I can invalidate a treaty with Chyna, I can invalidate these unfair treaties with Indians, or Native Americans, as they like to refer to themselves as. They are not American’s at all when they fight important pipelines and defy American laws. They should just go back to where they came from. All treaties with them are now NULL and VOID!"