Satirical News Service
Nukuʻalofa, Tonga
Scientists now say that yesterday’s massive eruption near the Archipelago of Tonga was most likely
caused by the rollout of 5G Network on the island. Tonga, which sits very close
to the International Dateline in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, decided to be
the very first country to roll out their high-speed 5G Network at full power. According
to one spokesperson, “We wanted to see just how far out the signal could go, so
we cranked the power all the way to the max. An hour later the whole island was
covered in volcanic smoke and ash from a massive undersea eruption. Who knew
this could cause this?”.
Conspiracy theorists, QAnon, and even the FAA for months have
been warning about rolling out 5G. “Everybody thought we were crackpots – but look
who’s laughing now!” said one unnamed theorist. “Those were the same people who
doubted Trump's claim that he won the election, and that Vaccines work. Well Mr.
smarty-pants-scientist, what do you say to this!”
