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FAKE NEWS (just seems like it could be true)

Tuesday, January 18, 2022

Tonga’s Eruption Blamed on 5G Rollout

 

Satirical News Service
Nukuʻalofa, Tonga

Scientists now say that yesterday’s massive eruption near the Archipelago of Tonga was most likely caused by the rollout of 5G Network on the island. Tonga, which sits very close to the International Dateline in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, decided to be the very first country to roll out their high-speed 5G Network at full power. According to one spokesperson, “We wanted to see just how far out the signal could go, so we cranked the power all the way to the max. An hour later the whole island was covered in volcanic smoke and ash from a massive undersea eruption. Who knew this could cause this?”.

Conspiracy theorists, QAnon, and even the FAA for months have been warning about rolling out 5G. “Everybody thought we were crackpots – but look who’s laughing now!” said one unnamed theorist. “Those were the same people who doubted Trump's claim that he won the election, and that Vaccines work. Well Mr. smarty-pants-scientist, what do you say to this!”

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