Satirical News Service
Washington, DC
A caucus of Gun
Rights Republicans led by Lauren Boebert and Josh Hawley is pushing for more
extreme regulation of Stiletto heeled
shoes like the ones worn recently by a Drag Queen who used them to successfully
subdue the gunman at the Gay night club in Colorado Springs this week.
“These things really have no real purpose in our
society except to maim and potentially kill innocent (or at least unproven
guilty) gun owners who are simply protecting their First Amendment Rights.
While I can appreciate that some honest law abiding straight women may choose
to wear them as a “fashion statement”, they are often the shoes of choice by
certain “other groups” who may have a more nefarious purpose. We propose a
thorough background check on anyone wishing to purchase these, and a 14-day
waiting period. Owners of said footwear will be required to have a permit
anytime they are worn out in public. We also propose outlawing any shoes over a size 8 and thinner than 1
inch and longer than 2 inches. The NRA
has come out strongly in favor of such legislation.
