Satirical News Service
Cairo
In a new message from Osama Bin Laden, he lashed out against global warming, blaming the US and the West for causing it. He further promised to set an example by making terrorism “Greener”. In a press release to Al Jazirah, he promised to start using more recyclable materials in his suicide bombs, and use either alternative fuel or high mileage vehicles for suicide bombs. He also wants to make cleaner bombs that won’t put as much carbon into the atmosphere. Nuclear material however has not been ruled out.
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Fox News’s Glenn Beck Heroic Rescue Caught On Camera (satire)
Satirical News
Washington DC
Recently CNN aired footage of Anderson Cooper rescuing a young boy injured during looting in earthquake ravaged Haiti. Not to be upstaged by this coverage, FOX News today aired a segment showing Glenn Beck stepping in to heroically rescue an elderly woman carrying a sign saying “NO US AIDE TO HAITI DEVIL WORSHIPERS”, who was being verbally abused by a crowd of Liberals.
In a statement released by FOX News, Glenn Beck stated “Sometimes you have to throw off the cool detached objectivity of just covering the news and respond directly to the events as they enfold, and protect the things and people that matter most to you.”
Although some people have suggested that this whole event was staged to boost his ratings, FOX News denied such accusations.
Original Satire From
Steven Friedman
Washington DC
Recently CNN aired footage of Anderson Cooper rescuing a young boy injured during looting in earthquake ravaged Haiti. Not to be upstaged by this coverage, FOX News today aired a segment showing Glenn Beck stepping in to heroically rescue an elderly woman carrying a sign saying “NO US AIDE TO HAITI DEVIL WORSHIPERS”, who was being verbally abused by a crowd of Liberals.
In a statement released by FOX News, Glenn Beck stated “Sometimes you have to throw off the cool detached objectivity of just covering the news and respond directly to the events as they enfold, and protect the things and people that matter most to you.”
Although some people have suggested that this whole event was staged to boost his ratings, FOX News denied such accusations.
Original Satire From
Steven Friedman
Friday, January 22, 2010
Healthcare? Just Say NO!
Following the recent debacle over passing healthcare reform, insiders from within the Obama administration are considering a new tack that might finally achieve bi-partisan support,. It is hoped that this might satisfy Republicans and the “teabaggers” who still think that all healthcare is just a conspiracy to keep laetrile off the US market and promote government run “death panels”. Here is an excerpt from a new TV ad campaign.
Sad looking boy: “It all started with that first visit to the doctors office.” “Just take a few of theseVitamins", he said, "they’ll be good for you.”
Sad looking teenage girl: “Before long it was birth control pills, PAP smears, and annual mammograms.”
Sad looking middle aged man: “Then it was colonoscopies, prostate exams, blood pressure medicines, cholesterol lowering medicines, anti-depressants, PAIN pills!”
Sad looking older man: “Before I knew it I was going to the doctor every other week for this or that. Then came the tests, and specialists, and dangerous exposure to x-rays and magnetic fields. Joint Replacements, Heart Valve Replacements! I was hooked!”
Sad looking frail old woman with IV’s and Oxygen in a wheel chair: “Don’t let this happen to you! When it comes to healthcare, don’t even start! Just say NO to healthcare!”
Sponsored by the bi-partisan committee to contain healthcare costs
Original Satire from
Sad looking boy: “It all started with that first visit to the doctors office.” “Just take a few of theseVitamins", he said, "they’ll be good for you.”
Sad looking teenage girl: “Before long it was birth control pills, PAP smears, and annual mammograms.”
Sad looking middle aged man: “Then it was colonoscopies, prostate exams, blood pressure medicines, cholesterol lowering medicines, anti-depressants, PAIN pills!”
Sad looking older man: “Before I knew it I was going to the doctor every other week for this or that. Then came the tests, and specialists, and dangerous exposure to x-rays and magnetic fields. Joint Replacements, Heart Valve Replacements! I was hooked!”
Sad looking frail old woman with IV’s and Oxygen in a wheel chair: “Don’t let this happen to you! When it comes to healthcare, don’t even start! Just say NO to healthcare!”
Sponsored by the bi-partisan committee to contain healthcare costs
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman
TSA To Ban All Religion Aboard Us Flights
Satirical News service
Philadelphia, PA
Following a recent episode where a Kentucky bound airliner was forced to divert and land because an Orthodox Jewish passenger donned a teffillin – a small leather prayer box that is wound to the body with leather straps – and started praying in Hebrew, the TSA announced today that it would ban all religion on US flights.
From now on the TSA will no longer allow any religious objects or prayers aboard any airplane. Passengers wearing any religious objects such as crucifixes or star-of-davids, will be required to place them in a small plastic bag prior to going through security and boarding a plane. Some exemptions will be allowed for certified clergy, but they must obtain and show a certificate from their diocese indicating that they are an ordained minister. Passengers who feel the need to pray will only be permitted to pray silently and unobtrusively 10 minutes before take off, and after the aircraft has touched down on the runway. Under no circumstances will any religious objects be permitted to be used in prayers, nor may passengers pray out loud. Quoting one official from the TSA, “We are doing this in the interest of protecting passengers from potential terrorists.”
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman
Philadelphia, PA
Following a recent episode where a Kentucky bound airliner was forced to divert and land because an Orthodox Jewish passenger donned a teffillin – a small leather prayer box that is wound to the body with leather straps – and started praying in Hebrew, the TSA announced today that it would ban all religion on US flights.
From now on the TSA will no longer allow any religious objects or prayers aboard any airplane. Passengers wearing any religious objects such as crucifixes or star-of-davids, will be required to place them in a small plastic bag prior to going through security and boarding a plane. Some exemptions will be allowed for certified clergy, but they must obtain and show a certificate from their diocese indicating that they are an ordained minister. Passengers who feel the need to pray will only be permitted to pray silently and unobtrusively 10 minutes before take off, and after the aircraft has touched down on the runway. Under no circumstances will any religious objects be permitted to be used in prayers, nor may passengers pray out loud. Quoting one official from the TSA, “We are doing this in the interest of protecting passengers from potential terrorists.”
Original Satire from
Steven Friedman
Monday, January 4, 2010
Proposal to Install Water Boarding Devices at Major Airports
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Echoing the harsh criticism of President Obama’s lax sense of National Security by certain well known talk show hosts, Vice Presidents and former VP candidates, some members of Congress are proposing installing Water Boarding devices in all major airports to prevent terrorist attacks such as the one that occurred on Xmas.
As one Congressman, who did not want to be named stated, “When we were using water boarding regularly we did not have a single terrorist attack on airplanes.” “It’s time we stopped pussy-footing around with half measures like shoes checks and removing liquids from carry on luggage, and do some REAL passenger screening.”
When asked whether racial or ethnic profiling might be used to select which passengers would be singled out for such treatment, he stated “Absolutely NOT! There is just as much likelihood that the little old granny with her train-case carry-on would be selected as the Middle Eastern looking gentleman wearing a skull cap with a glazed look and muttering prayers in Arabic would be chosen.” “It’s also a whole lot cheaper than those high tech body scanning machines they’re talking about!”
Following 20 or so minutes of water boarding, it would then be determined if the passenger could continue on to board the flight, or instead requested to board a different flight to an undisclosed destination.
The Congressional Committee on Homeland Security is expected to take up this measure in early 2010.
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Echoing the harsh criticism of President Obama’s lax sense of National Security by certain well known talk show hosts, Vice Presidents and former VP candidates, some members of Congress are proposing installing Water Boarding devices in all major airports to prevent terrorist attacks such as the one that occurred on Xmas.
As one Congressman, who did not want to be named stated, “When we were using water boarding regularly we did not have a single terrorist attack on airplanes.” “It’s time we stopped pussy-footing around with half measures like shoes checks and removing liquids from carry on luggage, and do some REAL passenger screening.”
When asked whether racial or ethnic profiling might be used to select which passengers would be singled out for such treatment, he stated “Absolutely NOT! There is just as much likelihood that the little old granny with her train-case carry-on would be selected as the Middle Eastern looking gentleman wearing a skull cap with a glazed look and muttering prayers in Arabic would be chosen.” “It’s also a whole lot cheaper than those high tech body scanning machines they’re talking about!”
Following 20 or so minutes of water boarding, it would then be determined if the passenger could continue on to board the flight, or instead requested to board a different flight to an undisclosed destination.
The Congressional Committee on Homeland Security is expected to take up this measure in early 2010.
Devices like the one shown here would be used to
pre-screen selected passangers prior to boarding their flights
Original Satire From
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