Proposal to Install Water Boarding Devices at Major Airports
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Echoing the harsh criticism of President Obama’s lax sense of National Security by certain well known talk show hosts, Vice Presidents and former VP candidates, some members of Congress are proposing installing Water Boarding devices in all major airports to prevent terrorist attacks such as the one that occurred on Xmas.
As one Congressman, who did not want to be named stated, “When we were using water boarding regularly we did not have a single terrorist attack on airplanes.” “It’s time we stopped pussy-footing around with half measures like shoes checks and removing liquids from carry on luggage, and do some REAL passenger screening.”
When asked whether racial or ethnic profiling might be used to select which passengers would be singled out for such treatment, he stated “Absolutely NOT! There is just as much likelihood that the little old granny with her train-case carry-on would be selected as the Middle Eastern looking gentleman wearing a skull cap with a glazed look and muttering prayers in Arabic would be chosen.” “It’s also a whole lot cheaper than those high tech body scanning machines they’re talking about!”
Following 20 or so minutes of water boarding, it would then be determined if the passenger could continue on to board the flight, or instead requested to board a different flight to an undisclosed destination.
The Congressional Committee on Homeland Security is expected to take up this measure in early 2010.
Satirical News Service
Washington DC
Echoing the harsh criticism of President Obama’s lax sense of National Security by certain well known talk show hosts, Vice Presidents and former VP candidates, some members of Congress are proposing installing Water Boarding devices in all major airports to prevent terrorist attacks such as the one that occurred on Xmas.
As one Congressman, who did not want to be named stated, “When we were using water boarding regularly we did not have a single terrorist attack on airplanes.” “It’s time we stopped pussy-footing around with half measures like shoes checks and removing liquids from carry on luggage, and do some REAL passenger screening.”
When asked whether racial or ethnic profiling might be used to select which passengers would be singled out for such treatment, he stated “Absolutely NOT! There is just as much likelihood that the little old granny with her train-case carry-on would be selected as the Middle Eastern looking gentleman wearing a skull cap with a glazed look and muttering prayers in Arabic would be chosen.” “It’s also a whole lot cheaper than those high tech body scanning machines they’re talking about!”
Following 20 or so minutes of water boarding, it would then be determined if the passenger could continue on to board the flight, or instead requested to board a different flight to an undisclosed destination.
The Congressional Committee on Homeland Security is expected to take up this measure in early 2010.
Devices like the one shown here would be used to
pre-screen selected passangers prior to boarding their flights
Original Satire From
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