Satirical News service
New Orleans, LA
Today officials at BP announced that they are finally making progress on containing the outflow of money in the form of payouts and compensations caused by the leaking oil well in the Gulf.
“We’re using a form of containment dome that gradually reduces the flow of money coming out of the escrow fund and BP’s profits. While some money inevitably will flow out in the form of compensation for lost income to fisherman, resort owners, and wildlife rescuers, we’ve manage to cut this flow to nearly a third.”
Officials at BP went on to state that final containment of the flow of money out of the company isn’t expected to happen until November when a relief hose can be placed into upcoming congressional campaign coffers. Once this happens, the plan is to pump a large amount of heavy mud in the congressional elections to eventually seal any chances that BP will actually have to pay for the full extent of the damages caused by the leaking oil well.
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